Six Resilience Skills to Make It Through Dicey Spots

When was the last time you discovered that you didn’t measure up to someone else’s expectations? The message may have come from a boss, co-worker, colleague, client, family member, or friend. Do you remember the feeling? It might have been a visceral, sinking feeling in your gut or some other physical sensation that comes when your confidence takes a plunge.

I went through this tough experience with a coaching client recently. Initially, he was knocked off-track and didn’t know what to do to regain his confidence. Like a car hitting an icy patch of road, he was swerving uncontrollably. Eventually, he was able to gain control of his internal steering wheel again. Now that he’s beyond the rough patch, he can look back at the resiliency skills he developed along the way. We used the following six strategies to bring him relief, as well as personal growth. 

Let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling. 

If you think that by not acknowledging negative feelings, you’ll make them disappear, you would be wrong. The opposite is true. The way to allow those unpleasant feelings to dissipate is by allowing yourself to fully experience them. This is not fun. I get it. However, according to Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, 90 seconds is all it takes to identify an emotion and allow it to dissipate while you simply notice it.

To help yourself in this process, you can write, talk with a friend, or close your eyes, go inside your body, and pay close attention to what you’re feeling emotionally and physically. Remind yourself that the feeling will pass.

Give yourself a good dose of self-compassion.

Processing feelings when you’re in this emotionally triggered state of mind is not easy; however, sticking with it will be worth it in the end. 

Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion researcher, shares this as part of her self-compassion definition: Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings—after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?

Don’t take it personally.

Author Don Miguel Ruiz shares in The Four Agreements: If I see you on the street and I say, “Hey, you are so stupid,” without knowing you, it’s not about you; it’s about me. If you take it personally, then perhaps you believe you are stupid. Maybe you think to yourself, “How does he know? Is he clairvoyant, or can everybody see how stupid I am?”

That scenario may sound ridiculous as you read it, but have you heard a similar dialogue inside your head? 

Thinking about the scenario in third person is one method for moving away from taking it personally. For example, instead of saying, I messed up the presentation, you could say Jane didn’t bring her A-game to that presentation. This gives you a more objective, observer’s viewpoint that is not as emotionally tangled up in the situation. 

Notice the story you’re repeatedly telling yourself.

If you’re stuck in a never-ending story loop, try asking yourself these questions: What evidence do I have? Is it true? What are some other possibilities?

Look for the kernel of truth.

Scour the situation that’s thrown you off-track and look for a small bit of it that’s true or that you sincerely want to learn from. Use this insight to decide what you want to improve and how you will do it.

Choose a growth-mindset.

You have the power to choose the perspective you want to take on the situation and decide what you want to do moving forward. These wise words from Wayne Dyer come to mind: Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change. That seemingly simple shift is powerful! 

You get to choose your mindset. A fixed mindset means you believe your qualities (i.e., intelligence and talent) are fixed. A growth mindset means you believe that those qualities are just the starting point.

Picture your brain forming new connections as you meet the challenge and learn. Keep on going. Carol Dweck

These strategies don’t have an exact order. Use any or all of them when (not if!) you hit a dicey patch in the road. Growing your resilience skills isn’t enjoyable and yet, future you says, Thank you, because the next time you need them, it will be a wee bit easier to get your confidence back. Do you have a hot tip that I didn’t share? I’d love to hear it! Jalene@JaleneCase.com

Nine Strategies for Being the Leader of You

Being a good leader of others starts with leading ourselves and yet, it’s still not a commonly discussed topic. If we use the same definition as leadership but flip it to self, this is what it looks like: Self-leadership is influencing yourself to believe in a vision while creating a sense of purpose and direction for yourself. 

In a quest to help my clients (and myself!) be better self-leaders, I created the Self-Leadership Map with nine strategies. In this culmination of a nine-post series, you get to pull together what you’ve learned about yourself. If you want to read or reread the previous eight posts, they’re all together on the Self-Leadership Map web page. Even if you haven’t read all the blog posts, you’ll find the essence of the Self-Leadership Map below or download a free worksheet version. You can use this to support yourself in staying focused on what matters most.

Touchstone Foundation 

These touchstones will repeatedly keep you grounded and inspired.

• Annual Theme: What is my focus for the year? Write a word, phrase, or sentence.

• Core Values: Who am I when I’m at my best? What influences hard decisions? Write 2-5 values.

• Purpose/Why: What is the belief or cause that drives me? Write a phrase or sentence.

• Love Notes to Self: What will I remind myself of when times get rough? Write 2-5 words, phrases, or sentences.

Wholehearted Being

This is fuel for your motivation. Self-care and awareness produce energy to keep moving forward.

• How will I take care of myself? Write 1-3 for each area.

  • Intellectually

  • Physically

  • Emotionally

  • Spiritually

• Which character traits describe how I want to show up at my best at work? Write 1-5 words.

• Which character traits describe how I want to show up at my best at home? Write 1-5 words

Near & Far Vision

Envision what you truly want in the near-term and long-term.

• What do you want? (Use the time periods of 30 days, 90 days, 12 months, 5 years, 10 years.)

Decisive Goals

Choosing a limited number of goals will provide focus.

• What will I do to achieve my vision? (Use the time periods of 30 days, 90 days, 12 months, 5 years, 10 years.)

Consistent Action

Tenacious tiny steps are what leads to accomplishing big goals. 

• What practices or habits will I do to support myself so I will reach my vision? Write 1-3 for each period: daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, annually.

Energizing Support

Connecting with people who support you can bring resources, collaborations, joy, and more

• Who supports me in the following areas?

  • Tackle problems & challenges

  • Understand business & people

  • Colleagues

  • Core work and/or hired team

  • Which groups do I want to join and be actively involved in?

  • How will I remind myself to reach out when I want and/or need help?

Pesky Obstacles

Notice what’s getting in your way. For example, physical space (external) or negative self-talk (internal).

• What is getting in my way externally? Write as many as you want.

• What is getting in my way internally? Write as many as you want.

• How might I mitigate or eliminate these obstacles? Write 1-3 strategies.

Appreciative Celebration

When we celebrate, it teaches our brain to do more of what we’re celebrating.

• How might I celebrate my small and big accomplishments? Write 1-3 strategies.

Sustainable Ecosystem

Think of the previous eight areas as living, breathing, evolving parts of your self-leadership ecosystem. Reflect on what’s most useful for you at this stage of your life. Consider where you want to keep this information, how you want to update it, and what will support you best to stay on track.

• What will your system look like? Consider these areas:

  • Where will I keep the information from this map? For example: print, post on the wall, digitally, or separate out the elements and keep in different places. There are no rules so do what works best for you.

  • How often will I engage with these self-leadership elements? For example: read everything weekly or monthly, and update some of the sections on a regular basis.

• Example of a Sustainable Ecosystem:

  • Daily: Use software to track baby steps toward goals & visions.

  • Weekly: Focus on completing 30-day goals.

  • Monthly: Read the whole map to reconnect with my foundation and vision, update areas as needed, celebrate achievements with accountability partner or coach.

This is the most important part of the entire process. Create a system for leading yourself that works for you. There are no rules! Be creative. Be innovative. Be structured or be wild. Above all…first, be the leader of you!

Learn more about all nine self-leadership strategies + download a Self-Leadership Map as a fillable PDF so you can use this valuable tool well into the future.

I’d love to hear at least one strategy that works best for you. Send me an email.

Design Celebration Practices for You and Your Team

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to skip celebrating you or team’s accomplishments? Too often we quickly check-off the “done” box and race on to the next thing. However, if you do that, you’re missing out on a chance to fuel future accomplishments and feel good.

A coaching client recently shared a scenario with me in which she did a great job handling a difficult situation with a long-term employee. She finished the story and then immediately started talking about the next topic. I said, “Wait, let’s celebrate what you accomplished and what you learned!” I asked her to share reflections on these three questions: “What went well? What didn’t go so well? What will you do differently next time?” This process is valuable for three reasons. 

1. Recognizing and celebrating what you do well gives your brain a dopamine reward. Your brain pays attention to your “feel-good” moments and calculates what’s needed to repeat that action in the future.

2. Identifying and naming what went well and what didn’t go so well helps you appreciate your progress. Looking back on the experience from an observer standpoint, rather than an active participant, gives you an opportunity to learn more deeply from your experience.

3. Unpacking and clarifying what you want to do differently (if anything) in the future nurtures your continued growth.

Understanding the logical reasons why celebrating is important is all well and good but we’re emotional creatures. Imagining what your celebrations might look like and sensing how they might feel will start painting a new image in your mind’s eye.

What does celebration look like? 

Here are some ideas for you to consider:

• Give yourself a dopamine burst first thing in the morning by completing a morning ritual. This could be as simple as making your bed or as complex as several practices that you do before going to work. Celebrate sticking to it.

• During the day when you finish something that was challenging for any reason, give yourself a little, “Yay me!” moment. I think of this as a “trickle charge.”

• Celebrate on a regular basis with an accountability buddy or coach. Look back over a week or month and share everything you’re proud of accomplishing.

• Write three things that you’re grateful for each day. Taking a moment to notice the positive things happening in your life (no matter how small!) feels good and when you feel good, that energy radiates out to others.

• If you’re celebrating at work, ask each team member how they’d like to celebrate. You’ll likely have some people who want private recognition and others who love public praise. Let them design what works best for their team.

What are the feelings associated with celebrating?

I invite you to play with a mixture of three emotions, out of the 87 written about by Brene Brown in her newest book, Atlas of the Heart.

Ask yourself: How do these emotions show up in my beliefs and actions related to celebration?

Pride is a feeling of pleasure or celebration related to our accomplishment or efforts. 

Think of this feeling of pride as being associated with a sense of accomplishment, mastery, triumph, confidence, and self-worth. It’s not a shallow sense of pride. Brown distinguishes this kind of pride as an authentic pride. 

When you’re choosing what you want to celebrate, notice what you feel proud of accomplishing. For example, I feel proud when I finish my morning ritual.

Gratitude is an emotion that reflects our deep appreciation for what we value, what brings meaning to our lives, and what makes us feel connected to ourselves and others.  

When you have a gratitude practice and are capturing what you’re grateful for on a regular basis, celebration feels like a natural outcome. You can even do it as you’re reflecting on what you’re grateful for.

Humility is openness to new learning combined with a balanced and accurate assessment of our contributions, including our strengths, imperfections and opportunities for growth.

Think about the skills you’re focused on growing or the kind of leader you’re becoming. Consider how you’re progressing. For example, have you stepped outside your comfort zone and taken on a challenging project or task? Even if you did it imperfectly, what do you want to celebrate?

As you delve into the nuances of celebration, it feels like a switch you flip on the inside. You get to decide what’s meaningful for you to celebrate. Then, you get to choose a pleasurable style of celebrating. Right now…what do you want to celebrate? I’d love to hear your answer to that! Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part eight in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self-leadership. You can read the previous post here.

Seven Ways to Remove Obstacles

You can have well-planned, daring, or exciting goals and still get knocked off track. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee it. When obstacles sneak in, you might feel confused, frustrated, deflated, or mad. Fear not! Pulling together a mixture of tools, strategies, and awareness can help you get past those obstacles so you can do what matters most.

In my experience as an executive coach, stumbling blocks show up primarily in three different ways: 

1. You know you’re stuck and know why but can’t seem to fix it. 

2. You know you’re stuck and have no clue as to why. 

3. You don’t know you’re stuck but know something is amiss. 

You’ve probably felt all of these at some point. I sure have. The difference for me now is that I’m more aware of how I feel when I sense a block in front of me (visible or invisible), more willing to see what’s really in my way, and have more tools to help myself. 

There are two different ways to think of obstacles. Internal: getting in our own way. External: something or someone on the outside getting in our way. Here are four tips for removing the obstructions in your way.

Internal Obstacles

What’s going on inside you can control what happens on the outside. The main culprit is your saboteur voice. This internal voice may be the most dominant, invisible obstacle of all!

I like this definition of saboteur from Positive Intelligence, “Saboteurs are the voices in your head that generate negative emotions in the way you handle life’s everyday challenges. They represent automated patterns in your mind for how to think, feel, and respond. They cause all of your stress, anxiety, self-doubt, frustration, restlessness, and unhappiness. They sabotage your performance, wellbeing, and relationships.”

Your internal saboteur lives to construct obstacles! Here are three ways to deal with that mean inner voice from the book Taming Your Gremlin. 

• Simply notice. These phrases can indicate the saboteur voice is at work: you can’t, you’re not enough, you shouldn’t. When you hear these, simply notice. Don’t argue with it. Don’t negotiate with it. Simply notice. This improves your self-awareness and even though it’s happening on the inside, this skill makes a big difference in what happens on the outside.

• Play with options. “Play” is the operative word here. When you’re playful and curious, your saboteur voice goes into hiding. It likes you to be serious as a heart attack and scared.

• Be in process. This will take hiring someone like a coach or counselor depending on the topic. A professional can take you deeper to get at root causes.

External Obstacles

What’s on the outside of you that might be blocking you? Here are some areas to explore. 

Knowledge

You might want to take on a new project and berate yourself for procrastinating when really, a crucial piece of knowledge may be the missing link between you and your goal or dream. Do you need to learn something new or reach out to someone who’s an expert to get rid of an obstacle? 

Environment

Look around you. Is there something that’s bothering you? For me, this is often clutter. When my space is messier than normal, my mind is more chaotic. When I’ve saved too many documents on the desktop rather than building a good filing system for them, I get frustrated when I can’t find things. These seemingly small bumps in the road can be blocks.

Action

Think about your habits, systems, patterns, the action you’re taking, etc. What are you doing that no longer serves you or is tripping you up? Consider letting that go and replacing it with a new action that will move you toward your vision. For example, I’ve had clients who didn’t have a system for setting and tracking their goals. By designing a system that works for them, they knock down obstacles and achieve more meaningful goals.

Think about an area you feel stuck and then, think of one tiny habit that will get you moving in the direction you want to go. In the book Atomic Habits, James Clear shares a story about a man who wanted to exercise. The first habit he developed was going to the gym for five minutes. After he became a person who goes to the gym, he started adding time in small increments. I love this because even taking baby steps in the direction you want to go sparks momentum.

Obstacles happen. Don’t let them stop you from reaching your well-planned, daring, or exciting goals! You can get past what’s blocking you. Start with some of these tips and add some of your own to build strategies that work best for you. I’d love to hear what you do when obstacles pop-up! Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part seven in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self-leadership. You can read the previous post here.

Get the Support You Need: A Guide to Identify Your Tribe

Tell me if this sounds familiar to you: I probably have no fewer than 12 personal systems and devices—all designed to “support” and streamline my work and life. I’m surrounded by devices, yet when I have needed support from a person, I have sometimes found myself alone. 

There were two extraordinary times during the last several years when I really wanted and needed support. Indescribably, even though the right people were there, I didn’t reach out to them. The first time was when my husband and I went on an epic motorcycle adventure for two years. We rode two big BMW motorcycles from Oregon to the southern tip of South America. The thing that nearly caused me to give up on my dream (at least three times!) was that I greatly missed being with my tribe. You know, those friends you can immediately slip into a deep conversation with or colleagues who generously share their expertise and experience. It wasn’t that they weren’t there. They were. It was that I didn’t reach out to them.

The second time that found myself in need of support from people was after returning from that two-year motorcycle trip and starting my own business. After working for other organizations for 35 years, I was all alone in my office. I needed people to talk with about everything related to running a coaching and consulting business such as technology, marketing, finances, and oh so much more. I loved being part of a team, of an organization, of a community of people. I did not like being alone … until I figured it out. I don’t have to be alone and in fact, being alone makes lousy business sense. 

Now, I have the people, groups, and organizations that support me at my fingertips. This shortens the distance from stuck to unstuck. Plus, it’s more fun!

Human beings are wired for connection. We can do so much more, so much better when we work together and yet, it can be hard to reach out in our time of need. Deciding in advance who you can turn to for different purposes will make the “asking for help” process go much smoother.

Here are some questions to get you started thinking about who is there waiting to give you support. As you read these questions, write down who comes to mind. It might be friends, family, colleagues, or someone you hire.

All of these questions may or may not fit. That’s okay. Take what fits and write some of your own.

Who helps you tackle problems and challenges?

Who understands your business, industry, field or situation? 

Who has specific expertise that you need?

Who understands the people connected with your business or job such as clients, customers, volunteers, stakeholders, clients, employees, board, etc.?

Which groups do you want to join and be actively involved in? (Examples: Chambers, industry associations, etc.)

Do you want to start or find a group? (Examples: mastermind, accountability, coaching.)

If you work in an organization, who supports you internally?

Who have you or do you need to hire to support you? (Examples: bookkeeper, coach, virtual assistant, graphic designer, marketing.)

Who can you delegate to?

Who can you talk with when you’re feeling down?

Who can you dream with?

It’s one thing to know who you’ll reach out to but actually making the call or sending the email or text is another thing all together. Often when you need help it’s because you’re feeling unclear, foggy, overwhelmed, or even overly excited. Writing reminders for yourself will help you clearly see when it’s time to reach out sooner rather than later. 

How will you remind yourself to reach out when you want and/or need help?

To answer this question, examine previous experiences. When do you wish you would have reached out sooner? What were you feeling? What was happening? As you think about the answers to those questions, what do you notice that will help you navigate the situation better next time? Here are some examples from my list right now. I know it’s time to reach out when:

• I feel overly frustrated, tired, or pessimistic

• I don’t feel curious, outgoing, or creative

• I don’t know what I’m doing or don’t have a talent for it

Getting the support that you want and need to accomplish your visions, goals, and wild dreams starts with you. There are people willing and ready to give you what you need…all you need to do is ask.

Note: This is part six in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.

How to Move Forward, Especially When You Don't Feel Like It

Behaviors move you closer to what you want. We all know this. But what happens when you don’t feel like doing the thing that you promised yourself you’d do? 

Think about a new habit you’ve been trying to develop or a meaningful goal that you’re working toward. What are the consistent actions or behaviors that you must do to continue moving in the direction you want to go? 

As an example, here’s a peek into how this is showing up for me right now. I’m committed to writing one blog post a month and yet, when the reminder pops up to get started, it lingers on my to-do list for a frustratingly long time. When I see “write blog” on my task list every morning for at least two weeks, I feel a punch-in-the-gut sensation every darned time. That’s followed by a smattering of negative self-talk that sounds something like this: “You need to get that done! Why do you put it off? I’m not in the mood to do it now, so I’ll wait until I have the right kind of energy and I’m excited about doing it.” 

Let’s unpack that scenario and I’ll share some knowledge and techniques I’ve learned to positively support myself.

Challenge: Getting It Done

In writing classes, Kim Stafford, a friend and poet, teaches that being a writer means showing up and doing the work even if you’re not in the mood that day. In other words, don’t wait until you feel like doing the work! He and his dad, poet William Stafford, showed up at 4 a.m. nearly every day to write poetry. 

The behavior of writing on a regular basis was connected to their larger vision and goals such as writing books. 

Think about the behaviors that will move you closer to your vision and goals. The action step may seem small but, rest assured, when it’s done repeatedly over time, it can be mighty.

Challenge: Putting It Off

I use what I call a consistent action technique that I’ve created to support myself.

Ask yourself: What tiny, tenacious steps will lead to accomplishing my goal(s)? 

Break those down into what you will do daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and/or annually. Use timeframes that make sense for you. For me, this information lives in a document I designed called Self-Leadership Blueprint. Plus, I add repeating calendar reminders so the consistent actions land on my task list for the day. 

Once a month I read my Self-Leadership Blueprint with nine strategies, which include visions, goals, and consistent actions. Then I adjust as needed. 

Imperfectly using this process can support you in taking consistent action toward your goals.

Challenge: Not Being In The Mood

This one is tricky so let’s dig deeper into it. 

Your mood, feeling, or emotion is transient. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, author of My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey offers this description of what happens:

When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop. Something happens in the external world and chemicals are flushed through your body which puts it on full alert. For those chemicals to totally flush out of the body it takes less than 90 seconds. This means that for 90 seconds you can watch the process happening, you can feel it happening, and then you can watch it go away. After that, if you continue to feel fear, anger, and so on, you need to look at the thoughts that you’re thinking that are re-stimulating the circuitry that is resulting in you having this physiological response over and over again. 

When I’m stuck in the loop of feeling an emotion over and over again, I use a strategy that a previous coach taught me. I do something different to shift my energy. 

Here are some of my favorite energy-shifters: take a walk, go to a movie, listen to music and dance (I have a playlist for just these times), stretch, go outside and take some deep breaths, go work at a hip coffee shop, or listen to a guided meditation.

In my experience, once my mood has shifted, I do much better work, in a fraction of the time it would have taken me, as compared to chaining myself to the desk until I finished the project.

As you can see, I finished writing this blog post. I’m celebrating that with a, “Yay me!” and I encourage you to do the same when you complete that next tiny step. Remind yourself that you’re moving closer to what matters most to you. 

How will you make consistent action part of your routine? I’d love to hear. Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part five in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.

Allow Your Wild & Wonderful Wants to Bloom: A Method to Uncover What You Want

What do you want? This question is simple on the surface but the answers to it can sculpt your life, define your goals, and bring a myriad of emotions from frustration to fulfillment. By declaring what you want, you’re also deciding what you don’t want, and drawing a blueprint from which to build your goals. Consider the definition of want: to feel a need or a desire for; wish for. When was the last time you thought about what you truly wanted, desired, wished for?

My coach asked me to write what I wanted in 30 days, 90 days, 12 months, 5 years, and 10 years. I enthusiastically dove into the assignment. Knowing what I wanted in the next 30 days was easy. Knowing what I wanted in all the other time frames stumped me. I felt surprised and confused! How could I possibly not be able to write what I wanted? Rather than quickly getting the assignment done, I decided to dig in to figure out what was getting in my way.

First, I did a session of wild writing to gain insights into what was driving me from the inside out. This technique, outlined by Natalie Goldberg in Wild Mind, is designed to bypass your inner critic and get to your inner operating system. Every time I do it, I see the situation from a new viewpoint. 

If you’d like to try it, there are a few simple rules: 1) Hold a topic in mind. Example: What do I want? 2) Use a prompt to write for two, 10-minute sessions. Example: For session one, I know… and for session two, I don’t know… 3) Go for the jugular. In other words, don’t hold back; know you can destroy it later if you choose to. 4) Read what you wrote and circle what stands out to you. 

From my wild writing session, I realized that I wasn’t allowing myself to want what I really wanted. I felt like it was too much to ask for, felt anxious and afraid. Yikes. I could hear that inner saboteur voice coming through loud and clear. It said things like, who are you to want that, that’s too much, you should be more humble. The kryptonite to that kind of inner dialog is light-hearted play, so I played. 

I gave myself full permission to write (with fun, colored markers on my whiteboard!) whatever I wanted in each of those time frames. It could be ridiculous, gigantic, tiny, fun, serious – no boundaries! Viewing it from a third person perspective was also helpful. Example: What does future Jalene want? I left what I wrote on my whiteboard for a while so I could gradually hone it. I reminded myself repeatedly that I could want whatever I truly wanted.

Writing what I wanted led naturally to visualizing it. Seeing glimpses of what future Jalene wanted her life to look like from 30 days to 10 years felt powerful. Plus, I knew it was going to make my goals more potent when it came time to write them.

Next, I wanted to breathe life into my vision, to operationalize it, to make it part of my routine. Now it’s one of nine components on a Self-Leadership Blueprint that I designed. The document hangs on the wall near my desk and is read weekly within about 5 minutes. As I read it, I’m reminded of where I am now and where I want to go the future. That’s huge for me!

I can be super-efficient at being busy with what needs done right now, what’s urgent and even important, but lose sight of the big picture I’m painting of my whole life. 

Examining my wants has grown like a field of wildflowers in my life, popping up in unexpected places, bringing splashes of color to mundane decisions. I hear the word want when it shows up in everyday internal dialog. For example: What do I want to eat? What do I want to do next? Where do I want to go on vacation? Those all seem like simple questions and yet, they will shape me physically (what I eat), how I use my precious time (what I do), and how I enjoy myself (vacation). 

Bottom line, actions based on consciously choosing what you want will bring feelings of fulfillment, contentment, and satisfaction. The return on your investment of time couldn’t be higher. I challenge you to find your way of discovering what you truly want. I’d love to hear how you unearthed your wants! Email me at Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part two in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.

How an Inner Foundation Can Keep You On-Track

Life bumped me off-track recently. I needed to catch-up with myself, to remind myself of what matters, to ground myself in who I want to be and how I want to show up. I started by stopping, which isn’t my natural inclination. My default action when I’m overwhelmed is to focus on doing more faster and working longer hours. I’m great at staying busy. That’s the problem. 

I finally realized that in order to catch up with myself, I would need to press pause and reconnect with my foundation so my actions aligned with the future I wanted to create. 

A strong foundation can give you solid ground to stand on when your world feels out of control. It can be a reliable touchstone for reconnecting with what motivates you from the inside out and what defines you. It can steer your actions and get you back on track.

Here’s what I did to get back on track:

First, I did what I call a brain-dump. I wrote out all the things that were in my head to get done on my whiteboards. This process helped me see everything together to get a sense of the big picture. I energized myself by standing up, moving, using colored markers, and listening to music. 

Next, I marked everything that I had made a commitment to do and wrote the date it needed to be done by.

Then I stopped to revisit my foundation so I could use it for making decisions about what to do next. Here are the elements that form my foundation, which I refresh at least annually to keep me grounded and inspired.

Touchstone Foundation Elements

Annual Theme

What is my focus for the year? This is a word, phrase, or sentence that’s a guiding light for the year. 

In 2021, my annual theme is “choose & grow.” I had to chuckle because choosing was exactly what I was facing at the moment! The word grow reminded me that I want to focus on growing my business. This helped me cross off some of the things I had written on the whiteboard.

Core Values

Who am I at my best? What influences hard decisions? Now is when values go to work. In other words, this is what values look like when they’re operationalized. 

For the last couple of years, I’ve reduced my values to only two that I truly use to make tough decisions and describe how I want to show up. (You can find more about this practice in Dare to Lead by Brene Brown.) I looked at my two values of usefulness and connection, and again, crossed-off more to do items.

Purpose

What is the belief or cause that drives me? This is a phrase or sentence that inspires and motivates how you want to live your life. It’s a thread that weaves throughout your life, a theme that shows up repeatedly.

My purpose is to help people connect with themselves and each other so they can do what matters most. I know that when I’m doing something related to my purpose, it’s important to me and will bring a sense of satisfaction and joy. 

Love Notes to Myself

What will I remind myself of when times get rough? These are 2-5 words, phrases, or sentences that will energize you when you need it most. These can change as often as you wish. 

I realized that this was one of those tough times! Reading my love notes was a way to give myself compassion, tenderness, and love. These are a couple of them: K.I.S.S (Keep It Simple Sweetie), Be you. I ended up adding this new one: Step Out/Step Up to remind myself that when I’m growing, I’m stepping outside my comfort zone and stepping up to a new level. 

By the time I finished revisiting all of my foundation elements, I felt focused, calm and clear about my direction.

Life will knock you off-track once in a while, especially when you’re the kind of person who is drawn to learning, growing, challenges and changes. Building a solid foundation can give you the inner strength to get out there and be the kind of person that you want to be. If you have questions about these touchstone foundation elements, reach out to me a Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part one in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership.

Uncontrolled Outbursts Can Lead to Growth

One of my clients recently erupted at a coworker when she discovered that confidential information was shared. Normally, she would have calmed down and scheduled a serious discussion with the employee. Before she could do that, they ended up together in a work space with no one else around. The conversation quickly spiraled out of control.

What if I told you that uncontrolled, emotional outbursts at a co-worker could open the door to growing as a leader?

I had an opportunity to help my client unpack her uncharacteristic response and explore what was behind it. In our first discussion, her emotions were still running hot: she had a splitting headache, felt ashamed, and tears kept coming intermittently. We pressed pause on the coaching session and resumed a few days later. At that point, she was calm, curious, and focused. By the end of the session, she had become clear about the outcome she wanted.

The first instinct might be to tackle the external consequences caused by an uncontrolled outburst, but that doesn’t get at the root of it—that just smooths over what is happening on the surface. Going beneath the surface is what will make lasting personal growth possible.

Exploring Outburst, Control, and Values

In between our first and second coaching sessions, my client did a writing exercise that I suggested. She used a technique called wild writing, written about by Natalie Goldberg. She brought the situation to mind and then used two writing prompts, I know and I don’t know. She used the first prompt to write for exactly 10 minutes, shook out her hand, and then used the second prompt for another 10 minutes. She followed these rules: keep writing no matter what (if you get stuck, simply write I don’t know what to write until something comes), go for the jugular knowing you can destroy it later, and no going back to make any corrections during the 10 minutes.

That writing exercise revealed whales. Literally. She realized that normally at this time of year she and her partner would go to San Ignacio Lagoon, Baja California, Mexico to witness the birth of gray whales. She recognized how deeply sad and disappointed she felt that they weren’t going this year.

Naming emotions is often the first step to understanding more fully what’s beneath those shame-inducing outbursts. It’s part of self-awareness, which is the foundation of emotional intelligence. When you’re aware of your feelings, you can do a better job of regulating your behaviors. Imagine an iceberg. The behaviors are the top part that can be seen. The emotions are the much larger, unseen bottom portion of the iceberg, lurking beneath the surface and driving the behaviors.

After identifying her feelings, we moved on to exploring the results she wanted. We used the Change Theory model to discern her current perception of the situation, the outcome she wanted, and the behaviors that would help cross the gap between her perception and the desired outcome. A surprise popped up.

This one gnarly outburst uncovered a larger intention. While this particular situation needed to be addressed with the employee, she discovered that it was part of a larger issue. What she really wanted was for the organization to be a better team. She began to imagine the behaviors that would lead to that inspirational and impactful outcome.

This led us to her circle of control: the circumstances that she has direct control over. How did she want to show up in the next meeting with the team, including a meeting with the employee? She identified words and phrases that described who she wanted to be during the upcoming discussion. She listed open-minded, respectful, and good listener. Interestingly enough, those words are also connected to her core values—and values point to how you want to show up.

In fact, fun is also one of her core values. That one took a hit when she didn’t get to see the whales in Baja. She realized that even though she didn’t feel comfortable traveling during the pandemic, it was important for her to find other ways to bring more fun into her life.

This led to identifying the values that were expressed or not expressed during the uncontrolled emotional response. She realized that her values of honesty, integrity and respect were not represented during the outburst.

Values have a direct tie to your feelings and subsequent reactions. When your values get stepped on in a situation, it can cause an extreme emotional response. For example, if you value honesty and you feel someone is being dishonest, your emotional response can be a seemingly unreasonable amount of anger, frustration, or aggravation.

When you struggle with a response that you’re not proud of, I encourage you to dive beneath the surface and use what you learn to become the kind of leader you want to be. In the end, you will be clearer about what you need to do to achieve your desired outcome. If you have questions about any of the techniques I described, please reach out to me at Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Move from Blocking to Supporting Yourself

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“I’m my own worst enemy!” Have you ever said this or heard a friend or colleague say it? It can feel frustrating and demotivating to know precisely what we want to accomplish yet take actions that move us in the opposite direction. How can you get out of your own way and support yourself in getting more of what you want?

After working in organizations for more than three decades, I started my own business a few years ago. It surprised me that the gnarliest challenges came from inside me, not from the external skills I was learning. Internal voices that overly criticized and structures that didn’t work blocked me from reaching my goals, dreams, and life purpose. Yes. It’s a big deal! Growing skills to support ourselves is essential if we want to create purposeful, meaningful, lives we love.

While I needed to learn many external, hard skills, I found that those were relatively easy. It was the internal, soft skills that were the trickiest yet had the most far-reaching, positive impact. The exercises that I share below have the potential to change more than you might imagine. Experiment. Pay attention to what’s happening on the outside as a result of the work you’re doing inside.

Subtract What Blocks You

Saboteur Voice

This self-sabotaging voice is also called inner critic or negative self-talk. It’s trying to keep us safe by holding us back so a lion doesn’t eat us. As we venture beyond our comfort zone, it springs into action. It usually sounds mean and loud. Its sentences might start with words such as “you can’t, you should, you must, you’re not enough,” or “you don’t deserve.”

How can you get rid of the Saboteur? Unfortunately, you can’t remove it 100%. However, you can block it from taking control. The most powerful tool you have is to simply notice it and name it. That’s it.

To begin noticing what your inner critic says, bring to mind something new and difficult that you did recently. Then, take a minute and jot down what the Saboteur was saying to you internally during that experience. For example, “Who do you think you are? You can’t do that!” Remember, simply notice.

Identifying your Saboteur’s language means you’ll recognize it sooner so you can boot it out of the driver’s seat and into the back seat where it belongs.

Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs are hidden in our subconscious minds and constrain us in some way. Because we unconsciously believe them, we don’t do or say things that they inhibit. For example, “I don’t deserve to earn a six-figure income.” That type of limiting belief constrains your actions.

Working with a professional coach is an excellent way to unearth these limiting beliefs. For now, here’s a hack for you. Rather than identifying your limiting beliefs, do the reverse. Write as many answers as you can using this prompt: “I want to believe …”

Keep your list of what you want to believe in a place you see it often to consciously choose your beliefs.

Digging down into these areas is usually not pleasant. I know from experience. I also know that the reward is worth it.

Add What Supports You

Sage Voice

Your Sage Voice is here to give you some love! This voice sounds kind and quiet, which means it takes intention to hear it. It says things like, “You got this! You’re learning so give yourself a break. It’s going to be okay.”

The best way to connect with your Sage is to stop for a moment. Even pausing for ten seconds makes a difference. My favorite ways are to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, stand outside for a few minutes doing nothing but sensing my surroundings, listen to a guided meditation, or take a walk.

Create a Container

Designing a container for yourself can bring freedom and fun. Really! My definition of a container is a system or framework that supports you. This will look different for all of us. Start by designing what you think will work for you now and then continue refining it as you learn and grow. The first step is the toughest!

For example, in order for me to feel free to work and have fun along the way, I need processes and people.

For my processes, I have structures in place for goals, daily tasks, writing blogs, recording videos, morning rituals, and monthly e-letters. Those systems bring me calm focus and a sense of accomplishment.

Here’s what I mean by needing people to support me. I thrive with a coach, an accountability partner, groups with a shared vision such as The Complete Leader program, and regularly doing yoga classes and running with a friend.

Your container will vary based on your needs. Imagine this as an infrastructure that supports you in doing what’s most important to you. What will help you be at your best?

By noticing your self-talk, choosing what you want to believe, and creating your container, you will be your biggest ally. I’d love to hear what your support system looks like! Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.