How to Move Forward, Especially When You Don't Feel Like It

Behaviors move you closer to what you want. We all know this. But what happens when you don’t feel like doing the thing that you promised yourself you’d do? 

Think about a new habit you’ve been trying to develop or a meaningful goal that you’re working toward. What are the consistent actions or behaviors that you must do to continue moving in the direction you want to go? 

As an example, here’s a peek into how this is showing up for me right now. I’m committed to writing one blog post a month and yet, when the reminder pops up to get started, it lingers on my to-do list for a frustratingly long time. When I see “write blog” on my task list every morning for at least two weeks, I feel a punch-in-the-gut sensation every darned time. That’s followed by a smattering of negative self-talk that sounds something like this: “You need to get that done! Why do you put it off? I’m not in the mood to do it now, so I’ll wait until I have the right kind of energy and I’m excited about doing it.” 

Let’s unpack that scenario and I’ll share some knowledge and techniques I’ve learned to positively support myself.

Challenge: Getting It Done

In writing classes, Kim Stafford, a friend and poet, teaches that being a writer means showing up and doing the work even if you’re not in the mood that day. In other words, don’t wait until you feel like doing the work! He and his dad, poet William Stafford, showed up at 4 a.m. nearly every day to write poetry. 

The behavior of writing on a regular basis was connected to their larger vision and goals such as writing books. 

Think about the behaviors that will move you closer to your vision and goals. The action step may seem small but, rest assured, when it’s done repeatedly over time, it can be mighty.

Challenge: Putting It Off

I use what I call a consistent action technique that I’ve created to support myself.

Ask yourself: What tiny, tenacious steps will lead to accomplishing my goal(s)? 

Break those down into what you will do daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and/or annually. Use timeframes that make sense for you. For me, this information lives in a document I designed called Self-Leadership Blueprint. Plus, I add repeating calendar reminders so the consistent actions land on my task list for the day. 

Once a month I read my Self-Leadership Blueprint with nine strategies, which include visions, goals, and consistent actions. Then I adjust as needed. 

Imperfectly using this process can support you in taking consistent action toward your goals.

Challenge: Not Being In The Mood

This one is tricky so let’s dig deeper into it. 

Your mood, feeling, or emotion is transient. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, author of My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey offers this description of what happens:

When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop. Something happens in the external world and chemicals are flushed through your body which puts it on full alert. For those chemicals to totally flush out of the body it takes less than 90 seconds. This means that for 90 seconds you can watch the process happening, you can feel it happening, and then you can watch it go away. After that, if you continue to feel fear, anger, and so on, you need to look at the thoughts that you’re thinking that are re-stimulating the circuitry that is resulting in you having this physiological response over and over again. 

When I’m stuck in the loop of feeling an emotion over and over again, I use a strategy that a previous coach taught me. I do something different to shift my energy. 

Here are some of my favorite energy-shifters: take a walk, go to a movie, listen to music and dance (I have a playlist for just these times), stretch, go outside and take some deep breaths, go work at a hip coffee shop, or listen to a guided meditation.

In my experience, once my mood has shifted, I do much better work, in a fraction of the time it would have taken me, as compared to chaining myself to the desk until I finished the project.

As you can see, I finished writing this blog post. I’m celebrating that with a, “Yay me!” and I encourage you to do the same when you complete that next tiny step. Remind yourself that you’re moving closer to what matters most to you. 

How will you make consistent action part of your routine? I’d love to hear. Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part five in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.

How Are You Showing Up?

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.” You’ve no doubt heard this popular quote by Woody Allen. But I would add that how you show up matters. Your interactions with others, and even with yourself, can shift from ineffectively blah to purposefully engaged when you’re thoughtful about how you show up. It’s palpable to everyone in the room. 

My first coach taught me this strategy for getting the results I wanted from meetings. In addition to setting a clear agenda, she suggested asking, “Who do I want to be?” Think of this as defining how you want to show up, the energy you want bring to the space, the character traits that you want others to see and feel from you. I’ve taught this to many clients over the years, and they’re always surprised by the impact of this seemingly simply preparation step. 

Now I use this technique before all my meetings or high-stakes discussions. Here’s what it looks like in action. I plan as much as possible before the interaction and then I ask myself, “Who do I want to be?” Some of the words that come up, depending on the situation, might be bold, courageous, intuitive, curious, open, inquisitive, a good listener, or authentically me. Just before the meeting, I remind myself of a few key words. Intentionally setting the atmosphere in advance influences how I speak, interact, and listen. 

Here’s the caveat: Tuning into who you want to be requires your cup to be full. To fill your cup means to replenish your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical energy. It means that you need to refill your energy stores so that you have enough for yourself, as well as enough to share with others. You might be able to power through getting tasks done, but when your energy is sapped, it takes a lot of extra umph to fake who you’re being. That’s not enjoyable or productive for you or the other person!

In a Harvard Business Review article, Alyssa F. Westring wrote, “Ample research has shown that nurturing our brains, bodies, and spirits can help us be more effective at whatever we put our minds to.” She goes on to share that to start figuring out how to nourish yourself, you can pay attention to when you feel invigorated and when you feel drained. For example, notice when you feel energized, excited, joyful, focused, or peaceful. These are indicators that your cup is full. Conversely, notice when you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or depleted. Look for patterns. Get curious. Experiment. Observe what works and doesn’t work for you at this point in your life. It’s possible that what recharged you in the past doesn’t anymore, so keep a look out for outdated habits.

Consider building faithful habits to recharge your energy in these four areas: mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says that in order to create a new habit, it needs to be obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. 

Start by declaring one thing you’ll do in each of the areas above. For example, feed yourself:

• Mentally by reading to learn for 5-30 minutes a day, five days a week.

• Emotionally by journaling every morning, starting with 3-5 things for which you’re grateful.

• Physically by doing 30 minutes of exercise a day, five days a week.

• Spiritually by listening to a guided meditation daily for 10-30 minutes.

As with any new habit, start with one and start super-small. Give yourself full permission to expand what’s working and let go of what’s not working.

How you feel is only part of the equation. The other part is the people around you. Once you’re aware of whether you’re feeling vibrant or drained, observe the people around you. Internally ask yourself questions such as, How is she responding? How is she showing up? What has changed, or not, about our interaction? In other words, be aware of how who-you’re-being effects other people. 

I think of this process of choosing who I want to be (aka how I want to show up) as wholehearted being. Dictionary.com defines wholehearted as, “Fully or completely sincere, enthusiastic, energetic, hearty, earnest.” Consider defining who you want to be at work, at home, and in that next meeting. I’d love to hear your experience as you focus on who-you’re-being. Send me a note to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part four in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.

Uncontrolled Outbursts Can Lead to Growth

One of my clients recently erupted at a coworker when she discovered that confidential information was shared. Normally, she would have calmed down and scheduled a serious discussion with the employee. Before she could do that, they ended up together in a work space with no one else around. The conversation quickly spiraled out of control.

What if I told you that uncontrolled, emotional outbursts at a co-worker could open the door to growing as a leader?

I had an opportunity to help my client unpack her uncharacteristic response and explore what was behind it. In our first discussion, her emotions were still running hot: she had a splitting headache, felt ashamed, and tears kept coming intermittently. We pressed pause on the coaching session and resumed a few days later. At that point, she was calm, curious, and focused. By the end of the session, she had become clear about the outcome she wanted.

The first instinct might be to tackle the external consequences caused by an uncontrolled outburst, but that doesn’t get at the root of it—that just smooths over what is happening on the surface. Going beneath the surface is what will make lasting personal growth possible.

Exploring Outburst, Control, and Values

In between our first and second coaching sessions, my client did a writing exercise that I suggested. She used a technique called wild writing, written about by Natalie Goldberg. She brought the situation to mind and then used two writing prompts, I know and I don’t know. She used the first prompt to write for exactly 10 minutes, shook out her hand, and then used the second prompt for another 10 minutes. She followed these rules: keep writing no matter what (if you get stuck, simply write I don’t know what to write until something comes), go for the jugular knowing you can destroy it later, and no going back to make any corrections during the 10 minutes.

That writing exercise revealed whales. Literally. She realized that normally at this time of year she and her partner would go to San Ignacio Lagoon, Baja California, Mexico to witness the birth of gray whales. She recognized how deeply sad and disappointed she felt that they weren’t going this year.

Naming emotions is often the first step to understanding more fully what’s beneath those shame-inducing outbursts. It’s part of self-awareness, which is the foundation of emotional intelligence. When you’re aware of your feelings, you can do a better job of regulating your behaviors. Imagine an iceberg. The behaviors are the top part that can be seen. The emotions are the much larger, unseen bottom portion of the iceberg, lurking beneath the surface and driving the behaviors.

After identifying her feelings, we moved on to exploring the results she wanted. We used the Change Theory model to discern her current perception of the situation, the outcome she wanted, and the behaviors that would help cross the gap between her perception and the desired outcome. A surprise popped up.

This one gnarly outburst uncovered a larger intention. While this particular situation needed to be addressed with the employee, she discovered that it was part of a larger issue. What she really wanted was for the organization to be a better team. She began to imagine the behaviors that would lead to that inspirational and impactful outcome.

This led us to her circle of control: the circumstances that she has direct control over. How did she want to show up in the next meeting with the team, including a meeting with the employee? She identified words and phrases that described who she wanted to be during the upcoming discussion. She listed open-minded, respectful, and good listener. Interestingly enough, those words are also connected to her core values—and values point to how you want to show up.

In fact, fun is also one of her core values. That one took a hit when she didn’t get to see the whales in Baja. She realized that even though she didn’t feel comfortable traveling during the pandemic, it was important for her to find other ways to bring more fun into her life.

This led to identifying the values that were expressed or not expressed during the uncontrolled emotional response. She realized that her values of honesty, integrity and respect were not represented during the outburst.

Values have a direct tie to your feelings and subsequent reactions. When your values get stepped on in a situation, it can cause an extreme emotional response. For example, if you value honesty and you feel someone is being dishonest, your emotional response can be a seemingly unreasonable amount of anger, frustration, or aggravation.

When you struggle with a response that you’re not proud of, I encourage you to dive beneath the surface and use what you learn to become the kind of leader you want to be. In the end, you will be clearer about what you need to do to achieve your desired outcome. If you have questions about any of the techniques I described, please reach out to me at Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

The Power of Coming Back to Your Foundation

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Experiencing imbalance and balance is part of living. How might we lead ourselves from chaos to order? Carl Jung said, “In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.” There’s a new way forward waiting for you to discover it. Before making direction-changing decisions, check the integrity of your foundation. Who are you now?

During a coaching session, my client was grappling with a decision that would change the trajectory of her career. She felt clear about what she didn’t want; however, the vision for what she wanted was still fuzzy. We were working together on clarifying her future when she brilliantly said, “I want to revisit my foundation.” To her that meant recognizing what she learned in her current professional role over the last several years, plus naming her values, priorities, and focus.

Whether it’s your career or another aspect of your life that you want to make changes in, don’t start with the vision. Inspect your foundation first. Get to know the person you’ve become, then build your foreseeable future on that bedrock.

Here are some tools to use in your discovery process.

What are the values I choose to live by now?

Values are who we are. They’re not who we’d like to be or who we think we should be. Values describe how we’re living right now. Whether you have your values listed or not, take a fresh look at them.

Here are five different pathways to your values. Experiment with one or more until you’ve unearthed the values that are most meaningful to you, the values that will forge your robust foundation.

• Bring to mind a peak moment in your life, one that was especially rewarding or poignant. What were the values being honored in that moment?

• Bring to mind a moment when you were angry, frustrated, or upset. Name what you were feeling and then flip it to reveal a value. For example, if feeling trapped or cornered caused you extreme frustration, freedom might be one of your values.

• What are your “must haves?” What do you need to feel fulfilled, rewarded, satisfied? For example, you might need creative expression or adventure or excitement.

• Ask yourself these questions from Growing Influence by Ron Price and Stacy Ennis. What are the values by which I govern myself? What are the values by which I relate to others?

• Narrow down your values to only two (yes two!) by asking yourself these questions from Dare to Lead by Brenè Brown. Does this define me? Is this who I am at my best? Is this a filter that I use to make hard decisions?

If you want to look at a list of values as a resource for widening your vocabulary, there are plenty of great resources online. Simple search for a values list.

Don’t rush the process. You may know your values right away or you may want to try some on for a while to see if they fit. Our values can change over time, so give yourself permission to let go of the ones that served you well in the past, and embrace the values that you connect with now.

What do I want to prioritize now?

Start by reading through the lists below. Which area – Life, Leadership, or Career – would you like to focus on now?

Areas of Life                           Areas of Leadership              Areas of Career Career                                     Plan/Budget                            Autonomy

Family & Friends                     Promote Change                     Income

Romance    Stability & Order  Relationships

Fun & Recreation                   Motivate/Inspire                     Vision/Strategy

Health                                     Problem Solve                         Managing Change

Money                                     Align People                            Development

Personal Growth                   Organize/Staff                        Creativity

Physical Environment           Establish Direction                  Support

Next, rank your satisfaction in each of the categories below the area you chose. For example, in the area of Life, the first category is Career. Use a scale of 1-10: 0 = extremely dissatisfied and 10 = extremely satisfied.

Last, choose which of the categories you want to focus on improving. This is where it might get tricky. You don’t have to select the lowest ranked one. You get to choose based on what’s most important to you now. You might pick the one that will mitigate the most pain, the one that will have the biggest positive impact or the one that’s most exciting to you.

I know, choosing can be hard! And yet, it will propel you forward in seemingly magical ways. I like what Tony Robbins has to say about it, Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.

By naming your values and prioritizing, you give yourself a firm foundation to stand on. From this clear, stable, and steady place, what’s one step that you will take right now to move you 10% closer to what you want? I’d love to hear about your experience with this! Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.