How to Move Forward, Especially When You Don't Feel Like It

Behaviors move you closer to what you want. We all know this. But what happens when you don’t feel like doing the thing that you promised yourself you’d do? 

Think about a new habit you’ve been trying to develop or a meaningful goal that you’re working toward. What are the consistent actions or behaviors that you must do to continue moving in the direction you want to go? 

As an example, here’s a peek into how this is showing up for me right now. I’m committed to writing one blog post a month and yet, when the reminder pops up to get started, it lingers on my to-do list for a frustratingly long time. When I see “write blog” on my task list every morning for at least two weeks, I feel a punch-in-the-gut sensation every darned time. That’s followed by a smattering of negative self-talk that sounds something like this: “You need to get that done! Why do you put it off? I’m not in the mood to do it now, so I’ll wait until I have the right kind of energy and I’m excited about doing it.” 

Let’s unpack that scenario and I’ll share some knowledge and techniques I’ve learned to positively support myself.

Challenge: Getting It Done

In writing classes, Kim Stafford, a friend and poet, teaches that being a writer means showing up and doing the work even if you’re not in the mood that day. In other words, don’t wait until you feel like doing the work! He and his dad, poet William Stafford, showed up at 4 a.m. nearly every day to write poetry. 

The behavior of writing on a regular basis was connected to their larger vision and goals such as writing books. 

Think about the behaviors that will move you closer to your vision and goals. The action step may seem small but, rest assured, when it’s done repeatedly over time, it can be mighty.

Challenge: Putting It Off

I use what I call a consistent action technique that I’ve created to support myself.

Ask yourself: What tiny, tenacious steps will lead to accomplishing my goal(s)? 

Break those down into what you will do daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and/or annually. Use timeframes that make sense for you. For me, this information lives in a document I designed called Self-Leadership Blueprint. Plus, I add repeating calendar reminders so the consistent actions land on my task list for the day. 

Once a month I read my Self-Leadership Blueprint with nine strategies, which include visions, goals, and consistent actions. Then I adjust as needed. 

Imperfectly using this process can support you in taking consistent action toward your goals.

Challenge: Not Being In The Mood

This one is tricky so let’s dig deeper into it. 

Your mood, feeling, or emotion is transient. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, author of My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey offers this description of what happens:

When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop. Something happens in the external world and chemicals are flushed through your body which puts it on full alert. For those chemicals to totally flush out of the body it takes less than 90 seconds. This means that for 90 seconds you can watch the process happening, you can feel it happening, and then you can watch it go away. After that, if you continue to feel fear, anger, and so on, you need to look at the thoughts that you’re thinking that are re-stimulating the circuitry that is resulting in you having this physiological response over and over again. 

When I’m stuck in the loop of feeling an emotion over and over again, I use a strategy that a previous coach taught me. I do something different to shift my energy. 

Here are some of my favorite energy-shifters: take a walk, go to a movie, listen to music and dance (I have a playlist for just these times), stretch, go outside and take some deep breaths, go work at a hip coffee shop, or listen to a guided meditation.

In my experience, once my mood has shifted, I do much better work, in a fraction of the time it would have taken me, as compared to chaining myself to the desk until I finished the project.

As you can see, I finished writing this blog post. I’m celebrating that with a, “Yay me!” and I encourage you to do the same when you complete that next tiny step. Remind yourself that you’re moving closer to what matters most to you. 

How will you make consistent action part of your routine? I’d love to hear. Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part five in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.

How Are You Showing Up?

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.” You’ve no doubt heard this popular quote by Woody Allen. But I would add that how you show up matters. Your interactions with others, and even with yourself, can shift from ineffectively blah to purposefully engaged when you’re thoughtful about how you show up. It’s palpable to everyone in the room. 

My first coach taught me this strategy for getting the results I wanted from meetings. In addition to setting a clear agenda, she suggested asking, “Who do I want to be?” Think of this as defining how you want to show up, the energy you want bring to the space, the character traits that you want others to see and feel from you. I’ve taught this to many clients over the years, and they’re always surprised by the impact of this seemingly simply preparation step. 

Now I use this technique before all my meetings or high-stakes discussions. Here’s what it looks like in action. I plan as much as possible before the interaction and then I ask myself, “Who do I want to be?” Some of the words that come up, depending on the situation, might be bold, courageous, intuitive, curious, open, inquisitive, a good listener, or authentically me. Just before the meeting, I remind myself of a few key words. Intentionally setting the atmosphere in advance influences how I speak, interact, and listen. 

Here’s the caveat: Tuning into who you want to be requires your cup to be full. To fill your cup means to replenish your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical energy. It means that you need to refill your energy stores so that you have enough for yourself, as well as enough to share with others. You might be able to power through getting tasks done, but when your energy is sapped, it takes a lot of extra umph to fake who you’re being. That’s not enjoyable or productive for you or the other person!

In a Harvard Business Review article, Alyssa F. Westring wrote, “Ample research has shown that nurturing our brains, bodies, and spirits can help us be more effective at whatever we put our minds to.” She goes on to share that to start figuring out how to nourish yourself, you can pay attention to when you feel invigorated and when you feel drained. For example, notice when you feel energized, excited, joyful, focused, or peaceful. These are indicators that your cup is full. Conversely, notice when you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or depleted. Look for patterns. Get curious. Experiment. Observe what works and doesn’t work for you at this point in your life. It’s possible that what recharged you in the past doesn’t anymore, so keep a look out for outdated habits.

Consider building faithful habits to recharge your energy in these four areas: mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says that in order to create a new habit, it needs to be obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. 

Start by declaring one thing you’ll do in each of the areas above. For example, feed yourself:

• Mentally by reading to learn for 5-30 minutes a day, five days a week.

• Emotionally by journaling every morning, starting with 3-5 things for which you’re grateful.

• Physically by doing 30 minutes of exercise a day, five days a week.

• Spiritually by listening to a guided meditation daily for 10-30 minutes.

As with any new habit, start with one and start super-small. Give yourself full permission to expand what’s working and let go of what’s not working.

How you feel is only part of the equation. The other part is the people around you. Once you’re aware of whether you’re feeling vibrant or drained, observe the people around you. Internally ask yourself questions such as, How is she responding? How is she showing up? What has changed, or not, about our interaction? In other words, be aware of how who-you’re-being effects other people. 

I think of this process of choosing who I want to be (aka how I want to show up) as wholehearted being. Dictionary.com defines wholehearted as, “Fully or completely sincere, enthusiastic, energetic, hearty, earnest.” Consider defining who you want to be at work, at home, and in that next meeting. I’d love to hear your experience as you focus on who-you’re-being. Send me a note to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part four in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.

You Don’t Have to Write All Your Goals

In my 20s, a dental hygienist said to me, “You don’t have to floss all your teeth.” I said, “Great!” Then she landed the one-two punch with, “You only have to floss the ones you want to keep.” Her trick worked. I’ve been a devout flosser ever since. The same is true for goals: You don’t have to write all your goals, only the ones you want to achieve.

Like flossing your teeth, you know setting goals is important to do on a regular basis; however, do you understand why writing them is crucial? Let’s learn from the experts. 

The results of Harvard Business Study found that:

• 83% of respondents had no goals

• 14% of respondents had plans but didn’t write them down and still, they were 10 times more likely to succeed

• 3% of respondents had written down their goals and were 30 times more likely to succeed compared with those who had no goals

Are you convinced that goals are valuable for you? I am. And still, finding what works for me has been, and continues to be, an evolution. I know that goals lead me to a satisfying life I love. Conversely, I know that chasing shiny objects leads me to frustration. What do you know about the role goals play in your life? 

I’ve struggled with goal writing because I make it too complicated by following someone else’s complex system, too overwhelming with more goals than a mere mortal can accomplish, and too time-consuming to stay on-track. 

Now I believe you must design your own goal system. Using someone else’s process is an awesome way to start, but you can’t stop there. You need to make it work with your lifestyle, work, values, thinking style, physical environment, technology preferences, creative and professional style, etc. The key is to give your goal system that special zing that motivates you! 

A study by the Dominican University of California revealed a basic goal system structure. Participants were divided into five groups. They found the group with the highest success rate of 76% did this: 

• wrote their goals

• wrote their action commitments

• shared with a friend

• sent updates to a friend

When you’re ready to get serious about building your goal system, use this guide to begin.

Write what you want.

This first step is about envisioning the big picture of what you want more of or less of in your life. You can use time frames to imagine what you want in 30 days, 90 days, 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years. You can find more details in this blog post.

Write your goals.

Decide what you will do in order to get what you want from step one. Each goal needs to be S.M.A.R.T. (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound). These questions keep me on track. 

• Can this be checked off? If not, I need to be more specific.

• Can I really do this within the time-frame I set? I have a tendency to be unrealistic in my completion dates. Separate your goals into the same time periods as your “wants” above e.g., 30 days, 90 days, 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years

• Is this really important to me? Sometimes I think it is and then after continually not doing it, I admit to myself that it’s not important or figure out why I’m not doing it, which is usually related to being scared or not having enough knowledge. Without writing the goal, I wouldn’t know this.

You might want to add to this process by creating a vision board (cut out images that represent your goals and glue them onto paper) or hand-writing your goals (like note-taking, this conveys to your brain that this is important). 

Build your container.

Don’t skip this part! This is what will make writing and accomplishing goals satisfying, and dare I say, enjoyable.

• Where will you keep your goals so that you can review them on a regular basis? Ideas: hang them near your work space, put them in a digital spot that you consistently see, tuck them in your planner, purse or cell phone holder.

• How often will you read your goals?

• How often will you update your goals?

• Who will you tell about your goals?

• What might make this fun, efficient, fascinating, or exciting for you?

You can build your own goal system to receive what you truly want. Start by envisioning what you want, then decide what you will do to get it, and finally, build a container to support your goal system so it can support you. 

Creating your own goal system may not change your life, but then again, it just might. I’d love to hear about the structure of your goal system! Send me a note to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part three in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.

Allow Your Wild & Wonderful Wants to Bloom: A Method to Uncover What You Want

What do you want? This question is simple on the surface but the answers to it can sculpt your life, define your goals, and bring a myriad of emotions from frustration to fulfillment. By declaring what you want, you’re also deciding what you don’t want, and drawing a blueprint from which to build your goals. Consider the definition of want: to feel a need or a desire for; wish for. When was the last time you thought about what you truly wanted, desired, wished for?

My coach asked me to write what I wanted in 30 days, 90 days, 12 months, 5 years, and 10 years. I enthusiastically dove into the assignment. Knowing what I wanted in the next 30 days was easy. Knowing what I wanted in all the other time frames stumped me. I felt surprised and confused! How could I possibly not be able to write what I wanted? Rather than quickly getting the assignment done, I decided to dig in to figure out what was getting in my way.

First, I did a session of wild writing to gain insights into what was driving me from the inside out. This technique, outlined by Natalie Goldberg in Wild Mind, is designed to bypass your inner critic and get to your inner operating system. Every time I do it, I see the situation from a new viewpoint. 

If you’d like to try it, there are a few simple rules: 1) Hold a topic in mind. Example: What do I want? 2) Use a prompt to write for two, 10-minute sessions. Example: For session one, I know… and for session two, I don’t know… 3) Go for the jugular. In other words, don’t hold back; know you can destroy it later if you choose to. 4) Read what you wrote and circle what stands out to you. 

From my wild writing session, I realized that I wasn’t allowing myself to want what I really wanted. I felt like it was too much to ask for, felt anxious and afraid. Yikes. I could hear that inner saboteur voice coming through loud and clear. It said things like, who are you to want that, that’s too much, you should be more humble. The kryptonite to that kind of inner dialog is light-hearted play, so I played. 

I gave myself full permission to write (with fun, colored markers on my whiteboard!) whatever I wanted in each of those time frames. It could be ridiculous, gigantic, tiny, fun, serious – no boundaries! Viewing it from a third person perspective was also helpful. Example: What does future Jalene want? I left what I wrote on my whiteboard for a while so I could gradually hone it. I reminded myself repeatedly that I could want whatever I truly wanted.

Writing what I wanted led naturally to visualizing it. Seeing glimpses of what future Jalene wanted her life to look like from 30 days to 10 years felt powerful. Plus, I knew it was going to make my goals more potent when it came time to write them.

Next, I wanted to breathe life into my vision, to operationalize it, to make it part of my routine. Now it’s one of nine components on a Self-Leadership Blueprint that I designed. The document hangs on the wall near my desk and is read weekly within about 5 minutes. As I read it, I’m reminded of where I am now and where I want to go the future. That’s huge for me!

I can be super-efficient at being busy with what needs done right now, what’s urgent and even important, but lose sight of the big picture I’m painting of my whole life. 

Examining my wants has grown like a field of wildflowers in my life, popping up in unexpected places, bringing splashes of color to mundane decisions. I hear the word want when it shows up in everyday internal dialog. For example: What do I want to eat? What do I want to do next? Where do I want to go on vacation? Those all seem like simple questions and yet, they will shape me physically (what I eat), how I use my precious time (what I do), and how I enjoy myself (vacation). 

Bottom line, actions based on consciously choosing what you want will bring feelings of fulfillment, contentment, and satisfaction. The return on your investment of time couldn’t be higher. I challenge you to find your way of discovering what you truly want. I’d love to hear how you unearthed your wants! Email me at Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part two in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.

How an Inner Foundation Can Keep You On-Track

Life bumped me off-track recently. I needed to catch-up with myself, to remind myself of what matters, to ground myself in who I want to be and how I want to show up. I started by stopping, which isn’t my natural inclination. My default action when I’m overwhelmed is to focus on doing more faster and working longer hours. I’m great at staying busy. That’s the problem. 

I finally realized that in order to catch up with myself, I would need to press pause and reconnect with my foundation so my actions aligned with the future I wanted to create. 

A strong foundation can give you solid ground to stand on when your world feels out of control. It can be a reliable touchstone for reconnecting with what motivates you from the inside out and what defines you. It can steer your actions and get you back on track.

Here’s what I did to get back on track:

First, I did what I call a brain-dump. I wrote out all the things that were in my head to get done on my whiteboards. This process helped me see everything together to get a sense of the big picture. I energized myself by standing up, moving, using colored markers, and listening to music. 

Next, I marked everything that I had made a commitment to do and wrote the date it needed to be done by.

Then I stopped to revisit my foundation so I could use it for making decisions about what to do next. Here are the elements that form my foundation, which I refresh at least annually to keep me grounded and inspired.

Touchstone Foundation Elements

Annual Theme

What is my focus for the year? This is a word, phrase, or sentence that’s a guiding light for the year. 

In 2021, my annual theme is “choose & grow.” I had to chuckle because choosing was exactly what I was facing at the moment! The word grow reminded me that I want to focus on growing my business. This helped me cross off some of the things I had written on the whiteboard.

Core Values

Who am I at my best? What influences hard decisions? Now is when values go to work. In other words, this is what values look like when they’re operationalized. 

For the last couple of years, I’ve reduced my values to only two that I truly use to make tough decisions and describe how I want to show up. (You can find more about this practice in Dare to Lead by Brene Brown.) I looked at my two values of usefulness and connection, and again, crossed-off more to do items.

Purpose

What is the belief or cause that drives me? This is a phrase or sentence that inspires and motivates how you want to live your life. It’s a thread that weaves throughout your life, a theme that shows up repeatedly.

My purpose is to help people connect with themselves and each other so they can do what matters most. I know that when I’m doing something related to my purpose, it’s important to me and will bring a sense of satisfaction and joy. 

Love Notes to Myself

What will I remind myself of when times get rough? These are 2-5 words, phrases, or sentences that will energize you when you need it most. These can change as often as you wish. 

I realized that this was one of those tough times! Reading my love notes was a way to give myself compassion, tenderness, and love. These are a couple of them: K.I.S.S (Keep It Simple Sweetie), Be you. I ended up adding this new one: Step Out/Step Up to remind myself that when I’m growing, I’m stepping outside my comfort zone and stepping up to a new level. 

By the time I finished revisiting all of my foundation elements, I felt focused, calm and clear about my direction.

Life will knock you off-track once in a while, especially when you’re the kind of person who is drawn to learning, growing, challenges and changes. Building a solid foundation can give you the inner strength to get out there and be the kind of person that you want to be. If you have questions about these touchstone foundation elements, reach out to me a Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part one in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership.

Uncontrolled Outbursts Can Lead to Growth

One of my clients recently erupted at a coworker when she discovered that confidential information was shared. Normally, she would have calmed down and scheduled a serious discussion with the employee. Before she could do that, they ended up together in a work space with no one else around. The conversation quickly spiraled out of control.

What if I told you that uncontrolled, emotional outbursts at a co-worker could open the door to growing as a leader?

I had an opportunity to help my client unpack her uncharacteristic response and explore what was behind it. In our first discussion, her emotions were still running hot: she had a splitting headache, felt ashamed, and tears kept coming intermittently. We pressed pause on the coaching session and resumed a few days later. At that point, she was calm, curious, and focused. By the end of the session, she had become clear about the outcome she wanted.

The first instinct might be to tackle the external consequences caused by an uncontrolled outburst, but that doesn’t get at the root of it—that just smooths over what is happening on the surface. Going beneath the surface is what will make lasting personal growth possible.

Exploring Outburst, Control, and Values

In between our first and second coaching sessions, my client did a writing exercise that I suggested. She used a technique called wild writing, written about by Natalie Goldberg. She brought the situation to mind and then used two writing prompts, I know and I don’t know. She used the first prompt to write for exactly 10 minutes, shook out her hand, and then used the second prompt for another 10 minutes. She followed these rules: keep writing no matter what (if you get stuck, simply write I don’t know what to write until something comes), go for the jugular knowing you can destroy it later, and no going back to make any corrections during the 10 minutes.

That writing exercise revealed whales. Literally. She realized that normally at this time of year she and her partner would go to San Ignacio Lagoon, Baja California, Mexico to witness the birth of gray whales. She recognized how deeply sad and disappointed she felt that they weren’t going this year.

Naming emotions is often the first step to understanding more fully what’s beneath those shame-inducing outbursts. It’s part of self-awareness, which is the foundation of emotional intelligence. When you’re aware of your feelings, you can do a better job of regulating your behaviors. Imagine an iceberg. The behaviors are the top part that can be seen. The emotions are the much larger, unseen bottom portion of the iceberg, lurking beneath the surface and driving the behaviors.

After identifying her feelings, we moved on to exploring the results she wanted. We used the Change Theory model to discern her current perception of the situation, the outcome she wanted, and the behaviors that would help cross the gap between her perception and the desired outcome. A surprise popped up.

This one gnarly outburst uncovered a larger intention. While this particular situation needed to be addressed with the employee, she discovered that it was part of a larger issue. What she really wanted was for the organization to be a better team. She began to imagine the behaviors that would lead to that inspirational and impactful outcome.

This led us to her circle of control: the circumstances that she has direct control over. How did she want to show up in the next meeting with the team, including a meeting with the employee? She identified words and phrases that described who she wanted to be during the upcoming discussion. She listed open-minded, respectful, and good listener. Interestingly enough, those words are also connected to her core values—and values point to how you want to show up.

In fact, fun is also one of her core values. That one took a hit when she didn’t get to see the whales in Baja. She realized that even though she didn’t feel comfortable traveling during the pandemic, it was important for her to find other ways to bring more fun into her life.

This led to identifying the values that were expressed or not expressed during the uncontrolled emotional response. She realized that her values of honesty, integrity and respect were not represented during the outburst.

Values have a direct tie to your feelings and subsequent reactions. When your values get stepped on in a situation, it can cause an extreme emotional response. For example, if you value honesty and you feel someone is being dishonest, your emotional response can be a seemingly unreasonable amount of anger, frustration, or aggravation.

When you struggle with a response that you’re not proud of, I encourage you to dive beneath the surface and use what you learn to become the kind of leader you want to be. In the end, you will be clearer about what you need to do to achieve your desired outcome. If you have questions about any of the techniques I described, please reach out to me at Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Create a Goal System that Works for You With These 13 Ideas to Get Started

Simply setting a goal and expecting to reach it is a recipe for ongoing angst. A goal you truly desire to achieve needs a solid foundation, stepping stones, and tenacious support.

Conversations with my clients lately almost always include the mention of goal-setting. While that may sound logical, that’s not the energy I sense. I hear things like, “I should set some goals for next year. I really want to set some goals but I’m no good at it. I’ve tried doing the goal thing but it doesn’t work for me.” The energy I sense is frustration, self-judgement, and desperation.

I’m with you! I used to feel the same way. Setting goals was no fun. The process led to beating myself up for forgetting to look at the brilliant goals I had written and then when I finally read them again, realizing I had allowed shiny ideas to distract me from what I truly wanted to accomplish. Not anymore.

I’ve built a system to support myself; however, I’m not prescribing my process for you. Instead, I’ll share the components of it so you can create your own awesome way to do what matters most to you. I purposely didn’t go into detail on every element because my intent is to give you enough information to use as a springboard in creating your own system.

Before we begin, let’s set a larger context for goals. The purpose of designing a goal system is for you to create a life you love. Goals are simply the stepping stones along the way. As you continue reading, feel free to change the words to fit your style. Words matter; they can be a turn-off or a turn-on! Also, choose the parts that feel right for you and let the rest go.

Start with a Solid Foundation

This bedrock will be a continuous source of strength for you. I recommend keeping it front and center as a reminder of the larger purpose of your goals.

Annual Theme: Choose a word or phrase to represent your guiding theme for the year. Ex. Fierce Focus, Create a Life I Love, Generosity and Abundance

Values: Which 2-5 values define who you are at your best? Ex. Connection, Usefulness, Curiosity, Courage

Purpose: If you got to design a billboard on a super-busy road, what would you say? Ex. Do what matters most. Be kind.

Love Notes to Myself: What encouraging words do you want to hear? Ex. Keep It Simple Sweetie (K.I.S.S.). Yay you! You got this!

Lay Out the Stepping Stones

This is the working information about your goals. Choose a location and format that works best for you such as a spreadsheet, notebook, or app.

Key End Result: What’s the overall objective or desire? You’ll have 3-5 of these areas. Ex. Build an effective goal system.

Internal Belief: What do you want to believe about that key end result? Ex. I can achieve meaningful goals.

Measurable Action: What are you going to do to achieve that key end result, and when will you do it by? You’ll have several of these for each key end result. Ex. I will start building my goal system by answering each of the questions in the “solid foundation” section by December 31, 2020.

Simple Step: What is one thing you can do immediately to accomplish the measurable action? These will keep the momentum going on your measurable actions. Ex. Schedule 30 minutes to work on my goal system.

Give Yourself Tenacious Support

I’m not going to lie. Sticking with a goal system takes work. But don’t get overwhelmed! It’s totally worth it when you see your desires becoming reality. This last section will make the difference between losing interest in your snazzy new goal system and continually innovating it as you evolve. Tenacious support means giving yourself what you need to be successful.

Visualize: Using all of your senses, what does it look and feel like when your goal is accomplished? Ex. Create a Vision Board or write a detailed description.

Character Traits: Which character traits will support you in reaching your goals? Ex. I will be courageous, tenacious, and kind to others and myself.

People Support: Who will support you in reaching your goals? Ex. Hire a Coach. Start or join a Mastermind group. Find an accountability partner to check in with on a regular basis.

Self-Care: (The secret sauce!) How will you take care of yourself so you have the kind of energy that will support you best? Ex. Exercise on a regular basis. Set aside time to be alone with yourself. Journal. Make art. Get regular massages. Do what makes you feel energized!

Celebrate Often: How will you celebrate the tiny and gigantic successes? Ex. Fist pump in the air while saying, “Yay you!” Share with a friend or colleague. Do a happy dance. Give yourself a special treat.

Now is when the fun and creativity begin. Choose what stands out for you. Innovate. Build your goal system to support yourself in doing what’s most meaningful, important, and exhilarating for you. You got this! If you have questions, I would be happy to support you. Connect with me at Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

What’s in Your Self-Resource Toolbox?

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“We have exceeded our surge capacity,” is a phrase I heard recently from Jennifer Louden. I thought, “Yes! That’s what it feels like! My inner surge protector is fried.” At the same time, I realized that I’ve been learning, along with my clients, friends, and family, how to survive the recent deluge of disasters. I bet you have, too.

Changes, especially uncontrollable changes, can leave you craving a way to get beyond the tornado of emotions so you can stand on firm ground again. How can you help yourself move forward? Self-resourcing. By gathering support resources, you can be there for yourself, and as a result, be there for the people you care about most.

Before diving into resource ideas, let’s start with a definition. I define self-resource as being a collection of support sources that can be used to help you be who you want to be, and do what you want to do, especially during challenging times.

Here are some ideas to get started. Try them or use them as springboards to create your own unique collection of self-resourcing tools.

Physically

• Pay attention to what your body is telling you. The physical pain you feel can be an emotional trauma that has manifested in your body. For example, lower back pain might really be related to a traumatic event in your life. (Like a pandemic!) Identifying the origination of the pain can change how you help your body heal.

•  Give yourself permission to move your body in a way that’s pleasurable. Dance with no one watching, stretch those stiff muscles, take a walk. Don’t get trapped by thinking that you’re not doing it right or for long enough. Get curious about what your body is calling for now.

Intellectually

• Write down the unconscious thoughts running around in your head to bring them into your conscious mind. Then, give yourself permission to set some of them aside. By mindfully compartmentalizing your fearful thoughts, you will be able to direct your full attention more effectively toward what’s most important at the time.

• Learn something new or improve in an area that will help you in multiple areas. For example, a coaching client decided that developing her emotional intelligence skills will support her in growing into a big promotion that she received. Depending on your bandwidth to learn right now, this can be on a large scale or tiny. No judgement here. Tiny growth is powerful!

Emotionally

Why bother noticing how you’re feeling? By naming what you’re feeling, the emotion can move through you. When you deny your feelings, they get stuck inside and escape in unexpected ways such as outbursts at people you care for. I appreciate this description from The New York Times, “… naming our emotions tends to diffuse their charge and lessen the burden they create. The psychologist Dan Siegel refers to this practice as ‘name it to tame it’.” (The Importance of Naming Your Emotions, by Tony Schwartz)

Having trouble identifying what you’re feeling? Here’s a way to practice. Set an alarm on your phone to go off three times a day. Each time, answer this question in your mind, “How am I feeling?” There’s no right or wrong answer. In my experience, I notice not only my awareness increasing but my emotional vocabulary growing. Instead of simply saying good or bad, I say focused or distracted. This exercise will improve your self-awareness which is the first step in growing emotional intelligence.

Spiritually

By spiritual, I mean that place inside that feels sacred to you. How can you give yourself more time in that space, even if it’s 10 seconds here and there? The quickest way for me to get that peaceful place is to close my eyes and take one deep breath in, during which I pay attention to my body’s sensations. I usually feel tingles in my chest and a sense of settling. That’s it. That’s enough.

If you have a spiritual practice that you’ve set aside, how might you pick up even a piece of it to resource yourself?

Bonus: Powerful Questions

I love the possibilities that good questions create. Here are some of my favorites that I’ve worked with lately. Which one(s) will increase your resourcefulness?

As you answer these questions, consider, “Will this choice enlarge or diminish me?” (Inspired by the work of James Hollis.)

• What am I willing to accept?

• What do I have to look forward to?

• What choices do I need to make?

Draw a line vertically down the center of a piece of paper. On one side write, “What feels fixed or unchangeable?” On the other side write, “What can I do to help or make myself better?” (Inspired by Jennifer Louden in The Writer’s Oasis.)

Take a moment to list five things you will do to resource yourself. Remember, resourcing yourself directly translates to serving the people who matter most to you. I’d love to hear what’s in your self-resource tool box! Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Move from Blocking to Supporting Yourself

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“I’m my own worst enemy!” Have you ever said this or heard a friend or colleague say it? It can feel frustrating and demotivating to know precisely what we want to accomplish yet take actions that move us in the opposite direction. How can you get out of your own way and support yourself in getting more of what you want?

After working in organizations for more than three decades, I started my own business a few years ago. It surprised me that the gnarliest challenges came from inside me, not from the external skills I was learning. Internal voices that overly criticized and structures that didn’t work blocked me from reaching my goals, dreams, and life purpose. Yes. It’s a big deal! Growing skills to support ourselves is essential if we want to create purposeful, meaningful, lives we love.

While I needed to learn many external, hard skills, I found that those were relatively easy. It was the internal, soft skills that were the trickiest yet had the most far-reaching, positive impact. The exercises that I share below have the potential to change more than you might imagine. Experiment. Pay attention to what’s happening on the outside as a result of the work you’re doing inside.

Subtract What Blocks You

Saboteur Voice

This self-sabotaging voice is also called inner critic or negative self-talk. It’s trying to keep us safe by holding us back so a lion doesn’t eat us. As we venture beyond our comfort zone, it springs into action. It usually sounds mean and loud. Its sentences might start with words such as “you can’t, you should, you must, you’re not enough,” or “you don’t deserve.”

How can you get rid of the Saboteur? Unfortunately, you can’t remove it 100%. However, you can block it from taking control. The most powerful tool you have is to simply notice it and name it. That’s it.

To begin noticing what your inner critic says, bring to mind something new and difficult that you did recently. Then, take a minute and jot down what the Saboteur was saying to you internally during that experience. For example, “Who do you think you are? You can’t do that!” Remember, simply notice.

Identifying your Saboteur’s language means you’ll recognize it sooner so you can boot it out of the driver’s seat and into the back seat where it belongs.

Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs are hidden in our subconscious minds and constrain us in some way. Because we unconsciously believe them, we don’t do or say things that they inhibit. For example, “I don’t deserve to earn a six-figure income.” That type of limiting belief constrains your actions.

Working with a professional coach is an excellent way to unearth these limiting beliefs. For now, here’s a hack for you. Rather than identifying your limiting beliefs, do the reverse. Write as many answers as you can using this prompt: “I want to believe …”

Keep your list of what you want to believe in a place you see it often to consciously choose your beliefs.

Digging down into these areas is usually not pleasant. I know from experience. I also know that the reward is worth it.

Add What Supports You

Sage Voice

Your Sage Voice is here to give you some love! This voice sounds kind and quiet, which means it takes intention to hear it. It says things like, “You got this! You’re learning so give yourself a break. It’s going to be okay.”

The best way to connect with your Sage is to stop for a moment. Even pausing for ten seconds makes a difference. My favorite ways are to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, stand outside for a few minutes doing nothing but sensing my surroundings, listen to a guided meditation, or take a walk.

Create a Container

Designing a container for yourself can bring freedom and fun. Really! My definition of a container is a system or framework that supports you. This will look different for all of us. Start by designing what you think will work for you now and then continue refining it as you learn and grow. The first step is the toughest!

For example, in order for me to feel free to work and have fun along the way, I need processes and people.

For my processes, I have structures in place for goals, daily tasks, writing blogs, recording videos, morning rituals, and monthly e-letters. Those systems bring me calm focus and a sense of accomplishment.

Here’s what I mean by needing people to support me. I thrive with a coach, an accountability partner, groups with a shared vision such as The Complete Leader program, and regularly doing yoga classes and running with a friend.

Your container will vary based on your needs. Imagine this as an infrastructure that supports you in doing what’s most important to you. What will help you be at your best?

By noticing your self-talk, choosing what you want to believe, and creating your container, you will be your biggest ally. I’d love to hear what your support system looks like! Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Befriending Measurements

I recently had a meeting with a colleague during which I was vigorously sharing my detailed analysis of 2019 and a clear plan for 2020. My colleague paused, starring at one number and said, “Wait. Did you say all of this is income going away?” I flippantly said, “Yes, but look at what I have planned!” Suddenly I saw that even though I had looked at the numbers, I hadn’t truly seen the one with the negative impact. 

My enthusiastic nature leads me toward highlighting positive progress, and even hiding negative indicators so I won’t see them and feel like a failure. This is nice of my inner cheerleader but not helpful in the long run. 

Tracking progress toward goals can evoke procrastination, trepidation, and down-right fear. If you aimed high, saw what you wanted to accomplish, and we’re excited about the possibilities, it can be hard to compare your ideal vision with the stark reality of what actually happened.

Yet your ability to see clearly is directly related to skills of self-awareness (the foundation of emotional intelligence) and self-leadership. How can you lead yourself in viewing measurements in a way that will help you accomplish what matters most?

Here are some ideas—using self-awareness and leadership—to design your own measurement and goal-achievement process.

Internal Dialog

If you’re prone to slipping into less-than-kind self-talk, prepare in advance. Remind yourself that the measurement reflects what you’re doing, not your worth as a person. Notice what you’re saying to yourself and be kind. What would you say to a friend facing a similar situation? Brené Brown reminds us, “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” What we say to ourselves internally can transform doom-and-gloom thinking into self-compassion that will energize us to take positive steps forward. 

Before evaluating results, start by centering yourself with a breathing exercise. For example, use the four-square breathing technique. Count to four as you breathe in, hold for four, breathe out for four, hold for four, and repeat a few times. When you look at the results you’re measuring, notice what you say to yourself internally. If needed, change your self-talk to be more helpful. Being kind to yourself takes practice and is crucial in self-awareness and leadership.

Perspective Shift

Write or think about the results from a perspective that’s meaningful for you. What’s important about the goal related to the measurement you’re tracking? How does it connect to your whole business or life? How does it align or not align with your values? Sometimes a tiny viewpoint variation makes a gigantic difference. According to Wayne Dyer, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Try it for yourself.

Feedforward Lantern

Think of measurements as feedback pointing the way to the future—feedforward. How is the measurement that you’re viewing helping you see what to do in the future? Imagine the measurement as a lantern shining the way forward on a path toward the future that you want to create. What is the measurement illuminating? Do you need to change directions? Do you need to continue on the same path for a while longer? Based on what you see, have the courage to choose the next step forward.

Habit Highlight

Is there a habit to start or stop that will help you do better? James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says, “Habit formation is a long race. It often takes time for the desired results to appear. And while you are waiting for the long-term rewards of your efforts to accumulate, you need a reason to stick with it in the short-term. You need some immediate feedback that shows you are on the right path.” Measurements are that immediate feedback.

See It Your Way

How do you like to look at your measurements? I love using colored markers and big flip charts or whiteboards every chance I get. The colors make it more fun and writing helps connect me to the data. Upbeat music is the cherry on top! My last step in the analysis is now to say it out loud to another human for a reality check. How do you like to view what you’re tracking? Does it help to have a colleague to share with? Do you love Excel spreadsheets, tables, or mind maps? Consider trying a new method. Notice what works for you and do it.

By improving your skills in self-awareness and self-leadership, you notice what works best for you and then lead yourself forward. Measurements are your friend, your co-conspirator in accomplishing what matters most. How might you befriend measurements? I’d love to hear about your approach. Send me a note.