Get the Support You Need: A Guide to Identify Your Tribe
Tell me if this sounds familiar to you: I probably have no fewer than 12 personal systems and devices—all designed to “support” and streamline my work and life. I’m surrounded by devices, yet when I have needed support from a person, I have sometimes found myself alone.
Tell me if this sounds familiar to you: I probably have no fewer than 12 personal systems and devices—all designed to “support” and streamline my work and life. I’m surrounded by devices, yet when I have needed support from a person, I have sometimes found myself alone.
There were two extraordinary times during the last several years when I really wanted and needed support. Indescribably, even though the right people were there, I didn’t reach out to them. The first time was when my husband and I went on an epic motorcycle adventure for two years. We rode two big BMW motorcycles from Oregon to the southern tip of South America. The thing that nearly caused me to give up on my dream (at least three times!) was that I greatly missed being with my tribe. You know, those friends you can immediately slip into a deep conversation with or colleagues who generously share their expertise and experience. It wasn’t that they weren’t there. They were. It was that I didn’t reach out to them.
The second time that found myself in need of support from people was after returning from that two-year motorcycle trip and starting my own business. After working for other organizations for 35 years, I was all alone in my office. I needed people to talk with about everything related to running a coaching and consulting business such as technology, marketing, finances, and oh so much more. I loved being part of a team, of an organization, of a community of people. I did not like being alone … until I figured it out. I don’t have to be alone and in fact, being alone makes lousy business sense.
Now, I have the people, groups, and organizations that support me at my fingertips. This shortens the distance from stuck to unstuck. Plus, it’s more fun!
Human beings are wired for connection. We can do so much more, so much better when we work together and yet, it can be hard to reach out in our time of need. Deciding in advance who you can turn to for different purposes will make the “asking for help” process go much smoother.
Here are some questions to get you started thinking about who is there waiting to give you support. As you read these questions, write down who comes to mind. It might be friends, family, colleagues, or someone you hire.
All of these questions may or may not fit. That’s okay. Take what fits and write some of your own.
Who helps you tackle problems and challenges?
Who understands your business, industry, field or situation?
Who has specific expertise that you need?
Who understands the people connected with your business or job such as clients, customers, volunteers, stakeholders, clients, employees, board, etc.?
Which groups do you want to join and be actively involved in? (Examples: Chambers, industry associations, etc.)
Do you want to start or find a group? (Examples: mastermind, accountability, coaching.)
If you work in an organization, who supports you internally?
Who have you or do you need to hire to support you? (Examples: bookkeeper, coach, virtual assistant, graphic designer, marketing.)
Who can you delegate to?
Who can you talk with when you’re feeling down?
Who can you dream with?
It’s one thing to know who you’ll reach out to but actually making the call or sending the email or text is another thing all together. Often when you need help it’s because you’re feeling unclear, foggy, overwhelmed, or even overly excited. Writing reminders for yourself will help you clearly see when it’s time to reach out sooner rather than later.
How will you remind yourself to reach out when you want and/or need help?
To answer this question, examine previous experiences. When do you wish you would have reached out sooner? What were you feeling? What was happening? As you think about the answers to those questions, what do you notice that will help you navigate the situation better next time? Here are some examples from my list right now. I know it’s time to reach out when:
I feel overly frustrated, tired, or pessimistic
I don’t feel curious, outgoing, or creative
I don’t know what I’m doing or don’t have a talent for it
Getting the support that you want and need to accomplish your visions, goals, and wild dreams starts with you. There are people willing and ready to give you what you need…all you need to do is ask.
Note: This is part six in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.
Freeing Our Work Spirit
Our poor work spirits have taken quite a hit during this pandemic. By “work spirit” I mean the part of us that loves the work we’ve chosen to do and relishes the rewards we receive for doing it well. I’ve talked with people who are still working in their jobs, people who have laid off all their employees but are still working, and solopreneurs trying to stay afloat. Everyone is exhausted.
Our poor work spirits have taken quite a hit during this pandemic. By “work spirit” I mean the part of us that loves the work we’ve chosen to do and relishes the rewards we receive for doing it well. I’ve talked with people who are still working in their jobs, people who have laid off all their employees but are still working, and solopreneurs trying to stay afloat. Everyone is exhausted.
It takes an inordinate amount of energy to work right now. Our internal systems are overloaded by analyzing decisions that didn’t require our attention a month ago. We have to ask ourselves: Am I far enough away from that person? How can I reduce the number of trips to the grocery store? How do I not look like a total dork on Zoom? Why aren’t I using this time for my big, dream projects? It’s no wonder we’re wiped out!
How do we free ourselves so we can enjoy our work again? We can’t extricate ourselves by continuing to do the same things faster or longer, or forcing ourselves with mean internal thoughts, or comparing ourselves to other people we imagine never get stuck.
I propose giving ourselves some grace and space to loosen the ropes that are constricting us.
Consider these untying tips for freeing up your work spirit.
Mighty Metaphor
What’s a metaphor that represents how you want to feel about your work or business right now?
We get stuck in the stories we tell ourselves. They become our truth even though they are most likely not true. This process shifts our perspective and opens us to new viewpoints.
Here’s an example to jump start your imagination. Metaphor: My business has been in a car accident, t-boned by another vehicle. It’s not my fault and yet my business is physically injured. I need to help it heal. When our bodies are healing, we take care of them and know that recovery will take time with plenty of ups and downs along the way.
What metaphor comes to mind for you for your work environment? How might a change in perspective shift your attitude and actions?
Sweet Self-Compassion
As soon as I utter the words, “We need to give ourselves even more self-compassion,” anyone I’m with says, “Yes!” We innately know that compassion is a good thing.
The most basic definition of self-compassion is talking to yourself with the same kindness you would use with a friend. My go-to person in this area is Dr. Kristin Neff (self-compassion.org).
Dr. Neff offers this activity that you can do right now:
Put both hands on your heart, pause, and feel their warmth.
Breathe deeply in and out.
Speak these words to yourself, out loud or silently, in a warm and caring tone:
This is a moment of suffering.
Suffering is a part of life.
May I be kind to myself in this moment.
May I give myself the compassion I need.
How are you feeling now? Simply notice.
Soothe Yourself
Consider what you need physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Remember that when you’re taking care of yourself, you are immensely more effective at taking care of the other people and work in your life. It is not selfish. Imagine putting the oxygen mask on yourself first or filling your cup so you have plenty to share.
A participant recently shared this concept with our leadership development group. Each of us shows up to work with one cup of empathy. We can either pour all of it on one person or disburse it drip-by-drip throughout the day. When it’s gone, that’s it. The problem is that sometimes the cup is emptied at work and we have nothing left for our families. The group immediately wondered, “How do we increase the size of our cup so we have more empathy to give?” The answer. Take care of ourselves first.
How might you take a little better care of yourself? The people and work in your life will thank you. What is one practice that you will do for the next week to free your work spirit? I’d love to hear what worked for you. Connect with me at Jalene@JaleneCase.com.
Rejuvenating July
I’m deeply appreciating the value of taking superb care of myself. I know that when I give myself what I need to feel
I’m deeply appreciating the value of taking superb care of myself. I know that when I give myself what I need to feel energized, I’m more happy and satisfied in my life. The result is that I feel connected with my heart’s voice, my mind’s focus, and my body’s energy.
With that in mind, I’m starting a new ritual of taking time to rejuvenate twice a year, in July and December. During that time I will not be writing my blog or posting on social media. Instead, I will be taking a deep dive into projects that are calling to me.
This July I will be:
Creating a bold, expansive, deep experience for clients who want to reimagine who they want to be. The idea originated during my travels in Patagonia and I can’t wait to share it with you!
Reinventing this blog.
Honing my business purpose and goals.
Enjoying summer in the Northwestern US!
What will you do to rejuvenate your heart, mind, and body?
See you in August!
Jalene
Enjoy summer and I'll see you again in August! I'm still working and would love to hear from you :)
I believe that creating lives we love (at home and at work!) starts with our hearts.
That belief is woven throughout my work as an Executive & Personal Coach and in facilitating Professional and Personal Development. Reach out to me to talk about how my offerings might serve you and/or your organization.
Let's connect! LinkedIn • Facebook • Twitter • JaleneCase.com • (541) 272-2337
What's Next?
Fear is the villain and practice is the shero.
I’ve been doing a lot of things for the first time in the last year as part of running my business. Last week I did two things that scared the heck out of me and yet, I felt this pull like a wave to the shore that compelled me to do them. Here’s the thing — I wish I felt less afraid during the process!
I’ve been doing a lot of things for the first time in the last year as part of running my business. Last week I did two things that scared the heck out of me and yet, I felt this pull like a wave to the shore that compelled me to do them. Here’s the thing — I wish I felt less afraid during the process!
A metaphor representing fear and practice came to me. Fear is like the villain in a movie. It’s sinister, lurking in the dark, watching for the right moment to attack me. Its most debilitating weapons are self-doubt and jolts of near panic in my stomach.
Practice is the shero. She reminds me that every single time I practice the new thing I want to get better at doing, fear weakens. This insight gave me an idea.
The two things I did last week that scared me were related to public speaking. It’s not just about improving as a public speaker. It’s deeper than that. I want to connect with people in a way that inspires them to reflect on who they're being and what they're doing to create lives they love.
Here’s how I’m going to practice. In a private, secret Facebook group me and a few other people with similar goals are going to practice giving Facebook Live talks. I think of it as my voice gym. My commitment is to do a 1-3 minute FB Live talk about what I’m noticing every day for 30-days starting in July.
I know that whatever we’re practicing, we’re improving. Join me! Choose something important to you to practice during the month of July and send me an email (jalene@jalenecase.com) to let me know how it’s going.
What do you want to get better at doing?
How will you practice it?
In the spirit of knowing ourselves,
Jalene
I believe that creating lives we love (at home and at work!) starts with our hearts.
That belief is woven throughout my work as an Executive & Personal Coach and in facilitating Professional and Personal Development. Reach out to me to talk about how my offerings might serve you and/or your organization.
Let's connect!
JaleneCase.com • (541) 272-2337
What's Next?
Dreaming ROI
I’m great at doing, doing, doing. I love to make a list, with little empty boxes next to each item. Then, with immense pleasure, check-off each item with an energetic flourish of a checkmark. I get to say to myself, “Done!” However, I’m learning that while this may be admirable, it’s not the best approach to getting what matters most to me done. This is how the insight came to me.
I’m great at doing, doing, doing. I love to make a list, with little empty boxes next to each item. Then, with immense pleasure, check-off each item with an energetic flourish of a checkmark. I get to say to myself, “Done!” However, I’m learning that while this may be admirable, it’s not the best approach to getting what matters most to me done. This is how the insight came to me.
Initially, my coach invited me to write using this prompt, “What is the value of dreaming?” What I’ve learned as a result has blown my mind. I believe that the ROI (Return on Investment) for dreaming is off the charts!
The first time I gave myself a luscious hour to dream, I just couldn’t do it. I was shocked. How could dreaming be so hard to do? I wanted to throw in the towel. But I just couldn’t quit. I thought, “Wait. What if I just loosened up and had some fun with this?”
It happened to be late on a Friday afternoon. “Why not go for it?” I cranked up the music in my workspace, cracked open a cold beer, and looked at a blank white board. This was beginning to feel fun.
I started moving to the music, grabbing my multi-colored markers, and before I knew it, my whiteboard was filled with the makings of an idea that was originally born more than a year ago during our travels in Patagonia.
That was my first experience with intentionally setting aside time for dreaming. I’ve had more since then. Now I’m convinced that giving ourselves time for dreaming is equally as important as time for planning. They feed each other. One can’t truly grow without the other.
When our mind (planner extraordinaire!) and heart (big dream central!) work in tandem, our visions and desires for the future become reality.
Will you give yourself time to dream?
When? For how long?
I'd love to hear about your dreaming time!
In the spirit of knowing ourselves,
Jalene
P.S. The Women's Symposium I'm presenting at this weekend is the perfect place for you to give yourself some valuable time for dreaming big. Scroll down for details.
Join me this Weekend in Lincoln City, Oregon for the 2018 Women's Symposium!
Learn more about the
speakers and presentations.
I hope to see you there! :)
Let's connect! LinkedIn • Facebook • Twitter • JaleneCase.com • (541) 272-2337
Failing & Hiding
I've been writing a blog post every week since the first of the year and this week, I failed. Yup. I didn't do it. Rather than beat myself up, I forgive myself with love and compassion. I've been stretching into some new areas lately and I imperfectly juggled the balls I have in the air (like blogging!).
Hi!
I've been writing a blog post every week since the first of the year and this week, I failed. Yup. I didn't do it. Rather than beat myself up, I forgive myself with love and compassion. I've been stretching into some new areas lately and I imperfectly juggled the balls I have in the air (like blogging!).
The stuff I've been doing for the first time include singing lessons (to strengthen my speaking voice), prepping to speak at a Women's Symposium, and facilitating a team using some psychometric tools designed to help them learn about their behaviors and motivators. I'll have lots of insights to share soon!
In the meantime, I thought you'd enjoy reading this blog post from a person who continually inspires me -- Jennifer Louden. Her blog post is titled, "When are you going to come out of hiding?"
I am definitely coming out of hiding these days! How 'bout you?
In the spirit of knowing ourselves,
Jalene
One-Thing Thinking
The concept of choosing one thing, as in — one project, one focus, one goal — has shown up in two ways this week and it has me re-thinking my thinking.
The concept of choosing one thing, as in — one project, one focus, one goal — has shown up in two ways this week and it has me re-thinking my thinking.
First, I listened to a one-hour talk by author Jessica Abel in which she shared the concept of examining our “idea debt inventory” and choosing one project to give our focus. It hit home because I always have tons of ideas begging for my attention (aka “idea debt”) and the notion of choosing only one to focus on at a time brought on gut wrenching anxiety. I noticed that physical sensation, breathed into the near-panic happening inside my body, and continued listening to why choosing one thing makes sense.
The reason that struck me most is that when we choose just one single thing, our minds keep working on it even after we step away from the computer. This leads to getting that one chosen thing accomplished sooner than moving several ideas forward at a snail’s pace.
Second, I started listening to a book that’s been on my Audible.com wish list for several months -- The One Thing, The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results by Gary Keller. I haven’t finished the book yet, however I’m really enjoying it. I’m sure I’ll have more to share as I learn from it and use the material to help me in the process of choosing my one thing.
These two experiences felt like a one-two punch and it has my attention. It’s time for me to choose one overall focus for my business and, based on that choice, one project until it’s finished.
What’s the one thing that you want to give your focused attention?
In the spirit of learning,
Jalene
Can you think of a business with a staff that would benefit by getting to know more about each other so they can communicate better, get the right work done, and enjoy themselves more? I work within organizations as a trainer, facilitator, and executive coach. Learn more here: Professional Development
Can you think of a person who could use some extra support during an extraordinary time of change, who wants to feel more comfortable in their own skin, or who wants to take on an enormous goal? I coach via phone or online so the person can live anywhere in the world. Learn more here: Executive & Personal Coaching
If anyone pops into your mind, please connect us in whatever way works for you:
Share my contact info with them: email: Jalene@JaleneCase.com and website: www.JaleneCase.com
Send an email to both us introducing us to each other.
Send me the person’s contact info.
Hand on heart...thank you :)
Join Me Here
Women's Symposium located in Lincoln City, OR on June 23rd.
Befriend your Creative Self located at the Sitka Center for Art and Ecology near Lincoln City, OR on August 12th.
Explore all the details and, as always, you're welcome to contact me with your questions.
LinkedIn • Facebook • Twitter • JaleneCase.com • (541) 272-2337
Unsexy Basics
It's so invigorating to envision the business I'm building, the life I'm creating, and the next big project I'm going to birth.
It's so invigorating to envision the business I'm building, the life I'm creating, and the next big project I'm going to birth.
What's not so exciting is doing the unsexy basics that support all of the above mentioned juicy stuff such as taking the exams to earn certifications, telling myself "no" when ideas don't fit, holding myself accountable for the goals I set, and setting up the accounting structure.
I love this clever structure I saw on a recent beach walk! It reminds me that the structures we create, including our unsexy basics, can be uniquely ours.
This week, I've experienced the thrill of completing exams to receive certifications in an Emotional Intelligence assessment process, and to become an Associate Certified Coach through the International Coach Federation. Plus, Quickbooks is set-up, and up-to-date. These are part of the foundation for my business.
These things on my to do list have been taunting me for a couple of months. This week I got to feel the exhilaration that comes from setting a goal and checking it off the list! Woohoo!
Those unsexy basics create the solid foundation from which our dreams are built upon.
What are the unfinished unsexy basics taunting you?
In the spirit of knowing ourselves,
Jalene
Can you think of a business with a staff that would benefit by getting to know more about each other so they can communicate better, get the right work done, and enjoy themselves more? I work within organizations as a trainer, facilitator, and executive coach. Learn more here: Professional Development
Can you think of a person who could use some extra support during an extraordinary time of change, who wants to feel more comfortable in their own skin, or who wants to take on an enormous goal? I coach via phone or online so the person can live anywhere in the world. Learn more here: Executive & Personal Coaching
If anyone pops into your mind, please connect us in whatever way works for you:
Share my contact info with them: email: Jalene@JaleneCase.com and website: www.JaleneCase.com
Send an email to both us introducing us to each other.
Send me the person’s contact info.
Hand on heart...thank you.
Join Me Here
Women's Symposium located in Lincoln City, OR on June 23rd.
Befriend your Creative Self located at the Sitka Center for Art and Ecology near Lincoln City, OR on August 12th.
Explore all the details and, as always, you're welcome to contact me with your questions.
LinkedIn • Facebook • Twitter • JaleneCase.com • (541) 272-2337
Giant Step, Baby Steps (repeat)
While there, it occurred to me that ten years ago I also started a Masters degree program with the dream of doing the work I’m doing today. Wow. I never would have imagined that it would take a decade to realize that dream. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have had the guts to begin.
Ten years ago, Keith and I married in a special cove that can only be reached at low tide, below the Yaquina Head lighthouse in Newport, Oregon. Last weekend, I facilitated the final day of a private women’s retreat above that spot. It felt like a time warp.
Yaquina Head Lighthouse. Photo by Chad Case, Chad Case Photography & Video, April 2008
While there, it occurred to me that ten years ago I also started a Masters degree program with the dream of doing the work I’m doing today. Wow. I never would have imagined that it would take a decade to realize that dream. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have had the guts to begin.
Looking back, I realized that I have taken a giant step, then tons of baby steps that take me to the next giant step, then tons of baby steps…and so on. Professionally, this is the birds-eye view of what it looked like.
Giant Step: Left a 22-year career. (2008)
Baby Steps: Started Master’s degree program to change professions. Started a job in a completely new field. Completed a 3-year degree program.
Giant Step: Gave ourselves 2-years to ride our motorcycles to the southern tip of South America. (2015)
Baby Steps: Traveled by motorcycle in Latin America with challenges, magic, learning, and so much more.
Giant Step: Went all-in on my dream business. (2017)
Baby Steps: I’m working on these now!
Of course, there are zillions more baby steps that I’m not listing here but I'm pretty sure you get the picture.
We can’t know how long it will take for our dreams to fully come alive. The best we can do is to have the guts to take those giant steps, and the tenaciousness and heart to keep taking those everyday, seemingly meaningless baby steps until one day (like the day last weekend at the women’s retreat!) we realize that our dream is alive.
What’s your dream?
What did (or will!) your Giant Step look like?
What are the Baby Steps propelling your forward?
In the spirit of knowing ourselves,
Jalene
Are you ready to accomplish your dream? I'd love to hear all about it and help you move from, "I wish I could (fill in the blank)" to "Wow! Yes! I did it!" Schedule a complimentary Curious About Coaching session to learn more.
Can you think of a business team that could get along better and accomplish more? I help teams improve their communication and get the right work done. Contact me to learn more.
Join Me Here
Women's Symposium located in Lincoln City, OR on June 23rd.
Befriend your Creative Self located at the Sitka Center for Art and Ecology near Lincoln City, OR on August 12th.
Explore all the details and, as always, you're welcome to contact me with your questions.
Self Care Shine
Why oh why do we think it’s selfish to take superb care of ourselves? I don’t think that…anymore.
Why oh why do we think it’s selfish to take superb care of ourselves? I don’t think that…anymore.
This is one of the many inner changes that came from traveling on a motorcycle for 23 months. (More on that here if you haven’t heard the story.)
I make way less money now than I’ve made in decades and yet, I spend more on self care than I ever have. Crazy, right?
As we prepared to return from our travels in South America last year, I remember thinking to myself, “I wonder what would happen if I committed to taking awesome care of myself for a year?” I daydreamed of joining a yoga studio, getting back into running, getting regular massages, eating well, and not overloading my plate with “to dos.” It hasn’t turned out exactly as I had envisioned, but it looks pretty close and the results, almost a year later, have been shocking. Here are a few:
On the inside, it feels like I’m on my own side.
I trust myself more often to do what I say I'm going to do for myself.
I do my best to tend my energy rather than spend it until it’s over spent.
None of that familiar whine, “I’m soooo tired.”
I feel good in my body, stand taller, thrill in nudging myself further in yoga.
Now I think of self care as the special sauce for success!
I’m not preaching; I’m learning right along with you. Of course I’m not perfect at this, that’s not the aim. I’m with myself for the rest of my life so it just makes good sense to take care of myself. Why oh why is that such a whacky concept for us to get our heads around? Now it’s your turn…
What do you do for basic self-care?
Now kick it up a notch. What does superb self-care look like for you?
I double-dare you to try it for 3 months, 6 months, or a year!
In the spirit of knowing ourselves,
Jalene
I help individuals make the jump from wishing to doing, and professional teams transform from awkward tension to potent interaction.
Here are 2 offerings for you. Give yourself the precious gift of time to learn more about who you are now and what's most important to you.
Women's Symposium located in Lincoln City, OR on June 23rd.
Befriend your Creative Self located at the Sitka Center for Art and Ecology near Lincoln City, OR on August 12th.
Explore all the details and, as always, you're welcome to contact me with your questions.
With my monthly blog posts, I dig into topics related to leading ourselves so we can get what matters most done.
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Places & Products I Love
Learn about our motorcycle trip from Oregon to the southern tip of South America.
I LOVE being part of the Oasis community to help me get my scary sh*t done.
I LOVE Brene Brown's work about "daring greatly" and more.
I LOVE the Insight Timer app because it makes meditation easy.