Six Resilience Skills to Make It Through Dicey Spots

When was the last time you discovered that you didn’t measure up to someone else’s expectations? The message may have come from a boss, co-worker, colleague, client, family member, or friend. Do you remember the feeling? It might have been a visceral, sinking feeling in your gut or some other physical sensation that comes when your confidence takes a plunge.

I went through this tough experience with a coaching client recently. Initially, he was knocked off-track and didn’t know what to do to regain his confidence. Like a car hitting an icy patch of road, he was swerving uncontrollably. Eventually, he was able to gain control of his internal steering wheel again. Now that he’s beyond the rough patch, he can look back at the resiliency skills he developed along the way. We used the following six strategies to bring him relief, as well as personal growth. 

Let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling. 

If you think that by not acknowledging negative feelings, you’ll make them disappear, you would be wrong. The opposite is true. The way to allow those unpleasant feelings to dissipate is by allowing yourself to fully experience them. This is not fun. I get it. However, according to Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, 90 seconds is all it takes to identify an emotion and allow it to dissipate while you simply notice it.

To help yourself in this process, you can write, talk with a friend, or close your eyes, go inside your body, and pay close attention to what you’re feeling emotionally and physically. Remind yourself that the feeling will pass.

Give yourself a good dose of self-compassion.

Processing feelings when you’re in this emotionally triggered state of mind is not easy; however, sticking with it will be worth it in the end. 

Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion researcher, shares this as part of her self-compassion definition: Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings—after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?

Don’t take it personally.

Author Don Miguel Ruiz shares in The Four Agreements: If I see you on the street and I say, “Hey, you are so stupid,” without knowing you, it’s not about you; it’s about me. If you take it personally, then perhaps you believe you are stupid. Maybe you think to yourself, “How does he know? Is he clairvoyant, or can everybody see how stupid I am?”

That scenario may sound ridiculous as you read it, but have you heard a similar dialogue inside your head? 

Thinking about the scenario in third person is one method for moving away from taking it personally. For example, instead of saying, I messed up the presentation, you could say Jane didn’t bring her A-game to that presentation. This gives you a more objective, observer’s viewpoint that is not as emotionally tangled up in the situation. 

Notice the story you’re repeatedly telling yourself.

If you’re stuck in a never-ending story loop, try asking yourself these questions: What evidence do I have? Is it true? What are some other possibilities?

Look for the kernel of truth.

Scour the situation that’s thrown you off-track and look for a small bit of it that’s true or that you sincerely want to learn from. Use this insight to decide what you want to improve and how you will do it.

Choose a growth-mindset.

You have the power to choose the perspective you want to take on the situation and decide what you want to do moving forward. These wise words from Wayne Dyer come to mind: Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change. That seemingly simple shift is powerful! 

You get to choose your mindset. A fixed mindset means you believe your qualities (i.e., intelligence and talent) are fixed. A growth mindset means you believe that those qualities are just the starting point.

Picture your brain forming new connections as you meet the challenge and learn. Keep on going. Carol Dweck

These strategies don’t have an exact order. Use any or all of them when (not if!) you hit a dicey patch in the road. Growing your resilience skills isn’t enjoyable and yet, future you says, Thank you, because the next time you need them, it will be a wee bit easier to get your confidence back. Do you have a hot tip that I didn’t share? I’d love to hear it! Jalene@JaleneCase.com

Why are some people more happy & successful?

Hey there!

Do you ever have a question, and its answer, suddenly pop into your brain? That what happened to me with the question, “Why are some people more happy & successful?”

In the video, I talk about doing what’s most important to you. I’m not talking about the never-ending to do list. I’m talking about the baby steps leading to the future that you envision. What excites you? What lights you up? Do that!

Being a member of a mastermind group is an effective (and fun!) way to transform your dreams into realities. That’s why I’m offering the…

Pilot Women’s Mastermind Group

Three to six women will meet 6 times from November-January via Zoom video.

You’re Invited…

To unlock your potential and take empowered action to reach your goals with the continued support of a mastermind group.

You could benefit from a mastermind group if:

• You want to expand your vision of what’s possible and be held gently, yet firmly accountable in taking action.

• You often feel isolated and alone in working toward your goals.

• You have a desire to gather with other women who are ready to go all-in on making their dreams come true.

Does this sound like you? If you’re feeling an excited (yet slightly scared!) yes, I invite you to consider joining.

The group will be 3-5 women meeting 6 times from November to January via Zoom video.

Why Join a Mastermind Group?

Napoleon Hill wrote about the mastermind group principle as: “The coordination of knowledge and effort of two or more people, who work toward a definite purpose, in the spirit of harmony.”

At the core, a mastermind group helps all members achieve success and be better versions of themselves:

Better Humans = Better World!

I believe that desires are divine and that the dream that’s been whispering to you is yours to do. It is your positive contribution to a better world for all of us. Doing it alone is the hard way! In our mastermind group, we empower each other to transform our dreams into realities, one baby step at a time.

Send me a message and I'll send you all the details :)

In the spirit of creating lives we love!

Jalene

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Offering

Executive & Personal Coaching

I help powerful female leaders who are always improving (and sometimes anxious!) do what they want. Learn more.

Professional Development

I help teams who want to be more potent, and are struggling with communication, goal setting, collaboration, accountability, decision making, and participation. Learn more. 

Masterminding

Hey there!

What do you think of when you hear the term “mastermind group?” When I started a mastermind group more than a year ago, I thought it would be a great way to support each other in reaching our goals. Now I know that’s only a part of the story.

Do you want to be part of an empowering women’s group?

I’m forming a one-time pilot Women’s Mastermind Group based on the Patagonia Quest Coaching Package. The focus will be moving from “I wish I could.” to “Yes! I did it!”

Are you ready to go all-in to make your ideas, dreams, and goals a reality? Do you feel isolated and yearn for a group of diverse yet like-spirited women to cheer you on and call you on your excuses? Are you ready to be you, find (and use!) your voice, and radiate your brilliance? If the thought of this gives you tingles of excitement, send me a message and I’ll share the details with you.

In the spirit of creating lives we love!

Jalene

Deep gratitude & high-fives to my beautiful fellow masterminders…Katie, Svet, Allison, and Liz!

Offering

Executive & Personal Coaching

I help powerful female leaders who are always improving (and sometimes anxious!) do what they want. Learn more.

Professional Development

I help teams who want to be more potent, and are struggling with communication, goal setting, collaboration, accountability, decision making, and participation. Learn more. 

Gratefully Overwhelmed

Hey there!

How can we help ourselves when we love most of the activities and people in our lives but it’s all just too much? Lately I’ve been feeling tired, tense, overwhelmed and even though I also feel grateful for all of it, I needed a shift to a sustainable pace.

In the spirit of creating lives we love!

Jalene

Offering

Women Entrepreneurs Retreat: Financial + Emotional Intelligence

Join us for one day of serious fun and recharge your entrepreneurial spirit!

Focus on getting out of your own way so you can increase your financial wealth.

1-Day only with Zoom available!

Saturday, 9/22/2018, $50

I'm teaming up with Julia Carlson, Founder & CEO of Financial Freedom Wealth Management Group to offer a weekend for connecting with your dreams, purpose, and financial strategies. Learn more.

Executive & Personal Coaching

I help powerful female leaders who are always improving (and sometimes anxious!) do what they want. Learn more.

Professional Development

I help teams who want to be more potent, and are struggling with communication, goal setting, collaboration, accountability, decision making, and participation. Learn more.