How to Build Your Support Net

Keeping yourself on track takes more than a great system. Staying on track takes a net woven together with supportive people who will push you to go higher, hold you up, and catch you when you fall. 

How do you weave this kind of support net?

STEP 1

Start by thinking about what you need and want to feel wildly inspired, steadfastly supported, and gently nurtured. 

To get your thoughts rolling, below is a list of possibilities. They won’t all be a fit for you so choose what feels right and add some of your own.

Do you need someone to:

• hold you accountable to a specific number of goals daily, weekly or monthly?

• do routine tasks that drain your energy (like the things that you dread doing)?

• freely talk to about nearly anything?

• inspire and challenge you to reach beyond your current capabilities?

• give you a reality check when needed?

• vent to that will “get it” (in other words, not your loving partner that doesn’t understand your work dynamics)?

• innovate, create, think outside the box, and problem-solve with?

• be your exercise buddy?

• share expertise with you (technology, social media, marketing, finance, etc.)?

STEP 2

Grab a piece of paper or open an electronic doc. Set up two columns. 

On one side, list all your needs/wants from Step 1. On the other side, list the people who support you in those areas. You may have people who support you in multiple areas. 

Notice where you are light on support or have none. How can you patch up your support net in that area?

STEP 3

Incorporate the people you identified in Step 2 into your systems and habits. Ideas to do that might include:

• setting up a repeating calendar event to talk with them

• hiring someone (coach, counselor, bookkeeper, accountant, marketing expert, administrative assistant, etc.)

• joining or starting a group e.g., mastermind, yoga studio, gym, walking group…

• asking your current support peeps if they know someone who can support you in the missing areas.

Here’s the bottom line:

Instead of feeling exhausted trying to do everything yourself, allow yourself to receive support from others. If you want to explore more ways to do this, book a chat with me.

Well Designed Systems Always Win

Imagine creating a structure that will make reaching your goals not just easier but POSSIBLE. 

We’ve previously investigated vision, action, attention, growth mindset, and habits. Now, let’s wrap systems around all those areas.

Why do systems matter? James Clear concisely explains this in his book Atomic Habits:

“Goals can provide direction and even push you forward in the short-term, but eventually a well-designed system will always win. Having a system is what matters. Committing to the process is what makes the difference.”

I personally love systems because they keep me on the track I chose and out of the enticing field of shiny new ideas, which I can get lost in quite easily. Think of a system as a combination of several elements that you want to do on a regular basis.

For example, my solid workday morning routine looks like this: Wake-up, put on workout clothes, make coffee, stretch while it’s brewing, drink a cup of coffee while journaling, exercise, shower & dress, eat breakfast, take a cup of coffee out to my office.

To get you started on your system, here are some thought-provoking questions that will serve you in designing your own.

First, ask yourself, Where would a system help me?

Note the areas that come to mind. Then, ask yourself the below questions relating to the areas that came to mind and capture what you notice.

Morning System - How do you want to start your day?

• How do you want to feel? For example, energized, inspired, peaceful.

• Is there something you’ve done in the past that you loved doing and got out of the habit?

• Is morning a good time for you to exercise? If not you can slide it into another part of the day.

• What do you wish your morning routine looked like? Don’t worry about committing to anything right now, simply be curious about what you want.

Mid-Day System - What would energize you during the day? Here are some ideas for taking breaks during the day:

• Use The Pomodoro Technique, a time management method based on 25-minute stretches of focused work broken by 5-minute breaks. 

• Listening to a 5-20 minute guided meditation during a lunch break. (I use a free app called Insight Timer.)

• For 5-15 minutes, take a walk, read, listen to a podcast, watch a video, etc.

• Take a full 1-hour lunch break and bring delicious food from home to enjoy.

• Eat healthy, energizing snacks.

Evening System - What’s most important to you in the evening?

• Think about family, friends, learning, exercise, relaxation, eating well, sleeping well, etc. Create a system to support yourself.

Now that you have some ideas to start putting your system in place, here are 3 Steps to Start Your System:

1. Fend off overwhelm by choosing one section during your day that would benefit most from a system.

2. Be courageous and daring…write your system down to get started.

3. Do it. Adjust it. Don’t give up. Let it evolve into your own sweet system that will serve you best.

I’ve noticed that my coaching clients who are leaders almost always want to build new systems for themselves. This is also true for teams who commit to actions that will strengthen their connection, productivity, and happiness.

Want to talk about how you, your team, and/or your organization can grow? Book a chat here.

How to create a habit chain

Habits are SO powerful. Yet, it’s easy NOT to notice them in your day-to-day activities.

Some habits work for you; they serve your wants, desires, and goals. They leave you feeling hopeful, optimistic, and excited about your whole life. Some habits work against you; they move you away from what you want, suck the energy out of you, and may even leave you feeling guilty, ashamed, or depleted.

Are any of your habits coming to mind? Simply notice for now.

As you consider your habits, being in a growth mindset helps. In a nutshell, being in a growth mindset means you believe you can learn and grow, and that where you are now is simply a starting point.

Back to habits…

Habits aren’t always straight-forward because they can grow unconsciously or consciously. Do any of these ring true for you?

• You dive into your to-do-list every morning vs. first setting priorities for the day.

• You fill your day being busy vs. scheduling work time, exercise time, family time, or YOU time.

• You never take breaks at work and end up wiped out vs. scheduling breaks and lunch to recharge yourself so you’re more productive and do better work.

Again, simply notice if any of these habits are true for you.

To start making your habits work better for you, pay attention to what you do consistently every workday. Notice if some of your pesky bad habits sneak up on you. Give yourself permission to notice, without judgment or pushing to change anything right now.

Eventually, begin thinking about which habits you want to keep, which ones you want to toss, and what new one(s) you want to start.

I have a warning and a tip that I always share with coaching clients.

WARNING: Only add one new habit at a time.

TIP: To make a new habit stick, create a habit chain by connecting the new one to a current one. 

Using the examples I listed above, a habit chain might look like:

• Before checking email (old habit), you will write the 3 most important things to get done today (new habit).

• After getting out of bed (old habit), you will put on workout clothes so you can exercise for any amount of time before going to work (new habit).

• While you’re sipping your first cup of coffee or tea (old habit), you will write 3 things you’re grateful for from the previous day (new habit).

Building a habit chain — by connecting your new habit with a current one — will make both habits stickier. I encourage you to try it!

What’s one new habit you want to start?

Where does your attention go?

With 2023 ahead of us, let’s turn toward getting more of what we want. 

This is a perfect time to focus on how you can support yourself to get more of what you want and less of what you don’t want, so you can achieve your goals faster.

The terms you use to define what you want may differ. You might use: visions, key results, key predictive indicators, dreams, goals, objectives, resolutions, intentions… 

Whatever term you use, they all have one thing in common – they require your attention to make them happen. 

Your attention is a precious commodity that can be lured away if you’re not, well, paying attention to it. I invite you to be curious about your attention. Notice when you have control of it and when others control it, when you’re consciously choosing how to use it, and when you’re on auto-pilot and unconsciously giving it away. Turn on your attention-radar!

Get more familiar with your attention by asking yourself: 

1. Where does my attention go during the work day? For example: emails, calendar, eating, exercising, urgent tasks, etc.

2. Where do I wish my attention went during the work day? For example: current goals, long-term direction, family, health, etc.

3. What distracts my attention? For example: emotions such as excitement (squirrel!), urgent tasks rather than important ones, email rabbit-hole, continual text-checking, etc.

4. What is one action I will take to reclaim control of my attention? For example: Read key current & long-term goals first thing on Friday morning, set an email-checking schedule, commit to an exercise routine, etc.

To answer question #4, consider this model from Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life by Nir Eyal:

Imagine a spectrum with “distraction” on one end and “traction” on the other.

Distraction: This pulls you like a magnet. It represents actions that move you away from what you really want.

Traction: This is like gears turning, moving you forward. It represents actions that move you toward what you really want.

Choose an action that will give you traction!

Is your attention top-of-mind now? I hope so.

Finding where the rubber meets the road

We’ve been talking about how you can connect with your vision for what you WANT in your future, plus how to create a Vision Board to supercharge your vision.

Now, we’re going to explore the spot where “the rubber meets the road!” I interpret this as the spot where your vision meets reality.

I love envisioning my future, imagining all the possibilities, ideas, and scenarios. However, if I don’t take steps toward my visions, they remain picture-perfect-images protected in my mind. Can you relate?

Shifting to “where your vision meets reality” means connecting actions—baby steps and/or big leaps—toward making that vision come alive in your real world. 

Notice what you’re thinking and feeling after reading that last sentence. 

Are you thinking something like: 

I’ll do that later.

I don’t need to do that.

That sounds like a lot of work! 

Are you feeling the grip of fear? 

It’s okay. It’s a normal response. 

That’s the internal saboteur voice that has evolved to keep us safely inside our comfort zone because taking risks might cause death. 

Except nowadays, stepping outside our comfort zone doesn’t mean we might be eaten by a saber-toothed tiger. 

I’ll share more on this tricky saboteur voice later. For now, simply notice it and know you’re not alone. I want you to step OUT of your comfort zone because that’s where growth and magic happens.

To better connect your vision to actions, try this -

1. Write a sentence for 1 to 3 visions for each of the following time periods: 30 days, 90 days, 12 months, 5 years, and 10 years.

2. Next, write 1 action for each vision. No action is too small although sometimes they can be too overwhelmingly big and if so, tend to never get done.

3. Then, read what you wrote at least monthly and update as you wish.

This stuff isn’t easy, and yet, I know you know it’s worth it. Be brave and bold and go for it!

Ready to supercharge your Vision Board?

We previously talked about your wants, desires, and wishes for different periods of time. Now, I want to invite you to view wants from a different angle.

A coaching client asked me recently if I would work through a Vision Board process with her. I realized that although I do this for myself at least once a year, I haven’t shared my process. Plus, this is a great way to clarify your wants as we head into the New Year!

You may be wondering…What is a Vision Board and why bother making one?

A Vision Board is a visual representation of your visions, goals, and dreams.

It’s usually a collage of images which are cut-out from magazines or pasted from online sources. In my humble opinion, it’s really fun to create!

Being able to “see” what you want teaches your brain to pay attention to what will help make your vision a reality. Visualization is important because it fires-up your intrinsic motivation to drive you from the inside out. There are SO MANY stories about people who saw the images on their Vision Board come to fruition in real life.

Your Vision Board can be as simple or as complex as you want to make it. I’ve seen one with only one image and I’ve seen some that look like works of art. 

The most important thing is to make whatever is on your board meaningful to YOU. You might see an image of a person swimming and think, “I want to learn to swim this year.” Or, it could be something tangible (a new car) or intangible (shifting your mindset). Put it on your board if the image represents something you want in your future.

To get started, I have included Supercharged Vision Board Prompts to help with the process. This is a practical and magical way of helping yourself lightly wrap-up the previous year and envision next year as you create your Vision Board. 

It’s my gift to you to kick-start your momentum for the New Year, or any other time of the year!

Define what you want, desire & wish for 🌈

Hello!

Filling your cup intellectually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually is important in your personal and professional life. When your cup is full, you have more to give those around you, leaving a bigger impact on them and/or your work together.

Previously, I shared a worksheet with you to help guide you in this process (grab it if you missed it!).

Whether you are just starting the process of ensuring your cup is full or if you’re now successfully filling your cup, it’s time to use the energy you’re generating to be more courageous in visualizing what you want.

The end of the year is the perfect time to begin envisioning what you want in the new year.

Start by wondering, What do I want?

That question sounds simple on the surface and yet, it’s power-packed because the answers will sculpt your life, define your goals, and bring you a sense of fulfillment. This is big!

The word want gets used in so many ways so I want to make sure we’re on the same page for how I’m using it here.

Want means to feel a need or a desire for; to wish for a particular thing or plan of action; to want to start or stop being involved in something, to want strongly or for a specific reason.

How does it feel to read that? Exhilarating? Scary? Daunting?

It’s common for emotions like these to come up when you step out and step up.

I use this phrase to describe stepping out of your comfort zone and stepping up into who you want to be and what you want to do. To me, that feels scary AND exciting!

Next ask yourself..

What do I want in the next 30 days?

Write 1-3 descriptions for your 30-day wants.

For example, I want: to feel energized, to see my office organized, to connect with clients.

Tip: Don’t get caught up in the hows, only the wants for now.

Next, ask yourself…

What do I want in 90 days, 1 year, 5 years, 10 years.

Write 1-3 descriptions of wants for each of the time periods.

If you get stumped, stick with it. The first time I tried to write what I wanted in 10 years, I felt uncertain and frustrated. The more I did it, the more clear I got about it.

You can take it a step further and ask the same questions of your team. Gaining this clarity together can make you all more focused and motivated.

Here’s to leading yourself first!

P.S. If you’d like support in this area, let’s talk. Schedule a 30-minute Zoom chat, and we’ll start with what you want.

Are you filling your cup BEFORE it’s empty? 🤔

A couple weeks ago, I shared the idea of Love Notes to Self as a way of tapping into your motivation mojo. (Read it here if you missed it.)

If you already answered the prompts I provided, did you get a chance to write a few loving notes to yourself? 

Love notes are a great spark. And, they also help you keep filling your cup so you have plenty to give yourself and others. 

I learned a new twist on this concept of “filling your cup” from a student in a leadership program I facilitated. He said:

At the beginning of the day, you have a full cup of empathy or energy. If you pour it all out on one person, you don’t have any more to give that day.

Another way to think of filling your cup is this:

You can’t pour from an empty cup. 

We know that – right? And yet…we all do it…we forget to fill our own cup and end up exhausted and overwhelmed.

If you’ve been struggling with an empty cup, here’s an approach you can try – be intentional about how you like to energize yourself intellectually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

To help you get started, I’ve created a worksheet for you to identify what fills your cup in each of these 4 areas.

Grab it here, it’s my gift to you.

Tap into your motivation mojo!💥

You likely hear the words “leadership development” often, but do you hear much about “self-leadership?”

Probably not, which is too bad, because it’s a game-changer.

Why? 

Because when you lead yourself better, you can lead others better.

My question for you is this: How do you motivate yourself? 

By capturing how you like to be motivated, you give yourself a personal, go-to resource to tap into when you really need it. 

If you need some help finding your motivation mojo, here are a few questions to get you started. 

• What do you wish someone else would tell you when you’re having a tough day at work? (I call these Love Notes to Self!)

• What do you tend to say or do for a colleague when you can see them feeling low?

• Right now in your life, what’s inspiring you? Perhaps a quote you heard recently or a reminder of your larger vision.

• What might you do to shift your energy from lethargic & stuck to energized & flowing?

Capture your answers to these questions. Start small. A few go-to phrases can do wonders.

Then, put your answers somewhere you can easily find them when you need them. Think: oxygen mask on the airplane.

Here’s to finding your mojo!

Six Resilience Skills to Make It Through Dicey Spots

When was the last time you discovered that you didn’t measure up to someone else’s expectations? The message may have come from a boss, co-worker, colleague, client, family member, or friend. Do you remember the feeling? It might have been a visceral, sinking feeling in your gut or some other physical sensation that comes when your confidence takes a plunge.

I went through this tough experience with a coaching client recently. Initially, he was knocked off-track and didn’t know what to do to regain his confidence. Like a car hitting an icy patch of road, he was swerving uncontrollably. Eventually, he was able to gain control of his internal steering wheel again. Now that he’s beyond the rough patch, he can look back at the resiliency skills he developed along the way. We used the following six strategies to bring him relief, as well as personal growth. 

Let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling. 

If you think that by not acknowledging negative feelings, you’ll make them disappear, you would be wrong. The opposite is true. The way to allow those unpleasant feelings to dissipate is by allowing yourself to fully experience them. This is not fun. I get it. However, according to Harvard brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, 90 seconds is all it takes to identify an emotion and allow it to dissipate while you simply notice it.

To help yourself in this process, you can write, talk with a friend, or close your eyes, go inside your body, and pay close attention to what you’re feeling emotionally and physically. Remind yourself that the feeling will pass.

Give yourself a good dose of self-compassion.

Processing feelings when you’re in this emotionally triggered state of mind is not easy; however, sticking with it will be worth it in the end. 

Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion researcher, shares this as part of her self-compassion definition: Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings—after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?

Don’t take it personally.

Author Don Miguel Ruiz shares in The Four Agreements: If I see you on the street and I say, “Hey, you are so stupid,” without knowing you, it’s not about you; it’s about me. If you take it personally, then perhaps you believe you are stupid. Maybe you think to yourself, “How does he know? Is he clairvoyant, or can everybody see how stupid I am?”

That scenario may sound ridiculous as you read it, but have you heard a similar dialogue inside your head? 

Thinking about the scenario in third person is one method for moving away from taking it personally. For example, instead of saying, I messed up the presentation, you could say Jane didn’t bring her A-game to that presentation. This gives you a more objective, observer’s viewpoint that is not as emotionally tangled up in the situation. 

Notice the story you’re repeatedly telling yourself.

If you’re stuck in a never-ending story loop, try asking yourself these questions: What evidence do I have? Is it true? What are some other possibilities?

Look for the kernel of truth.

Scour the situation that’s thrown you off-track and look for a small bit of it that’s true or that you sincerely want to learn from. Use this insight to decide what you want to improve and how you will do it.

Choose a growth-mindset.

You have the power to choose the perspective you want to take on the situation and decide what you want to do moving forward. These wise words from Wayne Dyer come to mind: Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change. That seemingly simple shift is powerful! 

You get to choose your mindset. A fixed mindset means you believe your qualities (i.e., intelligence and talent) are fixed. A growth mindset means you believe that those qualities are just the starting point.

Picture your brain forming new connections as you meet the challenge and learn. Keep on going. Carol Dweck

These strategies don’t have an exact order. Use any or all of them when (not if!) you hit a dicey patch in the road. Growing your resilience skills isn’t enjoyable and yet, future you says, Thank you, because the next time you need them, it will be a wee bit easier to get your confidence back. Do you have a hot tip that I didn’t share? I’d love to hear it! Jalene@JaleneCase.com