Move from Blocking to Supporting Yourself

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“I’m my own worst enemy!” Have you ever said this or heard a friend or colleague say it? It can feel frustrating and demotivating to know precisely what we want to accomplish yet take actions that move us in the opposite direction. How can you get out of your own way and support yourself in getting more of what you want?

After working in organizations for more than three decades, I started my own business a few years ago. It surprised me that the gnarliest challenges came from inside me, not from the external skills I was learning. Internal voices that overly criticized and structures that didn’t work blocked me from reaching my goals, dreams, and life purpose. Yes. It’s a big deal! Growing skills to support ourselves is essential if we want to create purposeful, meaningful, lives we love.

While I needed to learn many external, hard skills, I found that those were relatively easy. It was the internal, soft skills that were the trickiest yet had the most far-reaching, positive impact. The exercises that I share below have the potential to change more than you might imagine. Experiment. Pay attention to what’s happening on the outside as a result of the work you’re doing inside.

Subtract What Blocks You

Saboteur Voice

This self-sabotaging voice is also called inner critic or negative self-talk. It’s trying to keep us safe by holding us back so a lion doesn’t eat us. As we venture beyond our comfort zone, it springs into action. It usually sounds mean and loud. Its sentences might start with words such as “you can’t, you should, you must, you’re not enough,” or “you don’t deserve.”

How can you get rid of the Saboteur? Unfortunately, you can’t remove it 100%. However, you can block it from taking control. The most powerful tool you have is to simply notice it and name it. That’s it.

To begin noticing what your inner critic says, bring to mind something new and difficult that you did recently. Then, take a minute and jot down what the Saboteur was saying to you internally during that experience. For example, “Who do you think you are? You can’t do that!” Remember, simply notice.

Identifying your Saboteur’s language means you’ll recognize it sooner so you can boot it out of the driver’s seat and into the back seat where it belongs.

Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs are hidden in our subconscious minds and constrain us in some way. Because we unconsciously believe them, we don’t do or say things that they inhibit. For example, “I don’t deserve to earn a six-figure income.” That type of limiting belief constrains your actions.

Working with a professional coach is an excellent way to unearth these limiting beliefs. For now, here’s a hack for you. Rather than identifying your limiting beliefs, do the reverse. Write as many answers as you can using this prompt: “I want to believe …”

Keep your list of what you want to believe in a place you see it often to consciously choose your beliefs.

Digging down into these areas is usually not pleasant. I know from experience. I also know that the reward is worth it.

Add What Supports You

Sage Voice

Your Sage Voice is here to give you some love! This voice sounds kind and quiet, which means it takes intention to hear it. It says things like, “You got this! You’re learning so give yourself a break. It’s going to be okay.”

The best way to connect with your Sage is to stop for a moment. Even pausing for ten seconds makes a difference. My favorite ways are to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, stand outside for a few minutes doing nothing but sensing my surroundings, listen to a guided meditation, or take a walk.

Create a Container

Designing a container for yourself can bring freedom and fun. Really! My definition of a container is a system or framework that supports you. This will look different for all of us. Start by designing what you think will work for you now and then continue refining it as you learn and grow. The first step is the toughest!

For example, in order for me to feel free to work and have fun along the way, I need processes and people.

For my processes, I have structures in place for goals, daily tasks, writing blogs, recording videos, morning rituals, and monthly e-letters. Those systems bring me calm focus and a sense of accomplishment.

Here’s what I mean by needing people to support me. I thrive with a coach, an accountability partner, groups with a shared vision such as The Complete Leader program, and regularly doing yoga classes and running with a friend.

Your container will vary based on your needs. Imagine this as an infrastructure that supports you in doing what’s most important to you. What will help you be at your best?

By noticing your self-talk, choosing what you want to believe, and creating your container, you will be your biggest ally. I’d love to hear what your support system looks like! Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

The Power of Coming Back to Your Foundation

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Experiencing imbalance and balance is part of living. How might we lead ourselves from chaos to order? Carl Jung said, “In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.” There’s a new way forward waiting for you to discover it. Before making direction-changing decisions, check the integrity of your foundation. Who are you now?

During a coaching session, my client was grappling with a decision that would change the trajectory of her career. She felt clear about what she didn’t want; however, the vision for what she wanted was still fuzzy. We were working together on clarifying her future when she brilliantly said, “I want to revisit my foundation.” To her that meant recognizing what she learned in her current professional role over the last several years, plus naming her values, priorities, and focus.

Whether it’s your career or another aspect of your life that you want to make changes in, don’t start with the vision. Inspect your foundation first. Get to know the person you’ve become, then build your foreseeable future on that bedrock.

Here are some tools to use in your discovery process.

What are the values I choose to live by now?

Values are who we are. They’re not who we’d like to be or who we think we should be. Values describe how we’re living right now. Whether you have your values listed or not, take a fresh look at them.

Here are five different pathways to your values. Experiment with one or more until you’ve unearthed the values that are most meaningful to you, the values that will forge your robust foundation.

• Bring to mind a peak moment in your life, one that was especially rewarding or poignant. What were the values being honored in that moment?

• Bring to mind a moment when you were angry, frustrated, or upset. Name what you were feeling and then flip it to reveal a value. For example, if feeling trapped or cornered caused you extreme frustration, freedom might be one of your values.

• What are your “must haves?” What do you need to feel fulfilled, rewarded, satisfied? For example, you might need creative expression or adventure or excitement.

• Ask yourself these questions from Growing Influence by Ron Price and Stacy Ennis. What are the values by which I govern myself? What are the values by which I relate to others?

• Narrow down your values to only two (yes two!) by asking yourself these questions from Dare to Lead by Brenè Brown. Does this define me? Is this who I am at my best? Is this a filter that I use to make hard decisions?

If you want to look at a list of values as a resource for widening your vocabulary, there are plenty of great resources online. Simple search for a values list.

Don’t rush the process. You may know your values right away or you may want to try some on for a while to see if they fit. Our values can change over time, so give yourself permission to let go of the ones that served you well in the past, and embrace the values that you connect with now.

What do I want to prioritize now?

Start by reading through the lists below. Which area – Life, Leadership, or Career – would you like to focus on now?

Areas of Life                           Areas of Leadership              Areas of Career Career                                     Plan/Budget                            Autonomy

Family & Friends                     Promote Change                     Income

Romance    Stability & Order  Relationships

Fun & Recreation                   Motivate/Inspire                     Vision/Strategy

Health                                     Problem Solve                         Managing Change

Money                                     Align People                            Development

Personal Growth                   Organize/Staff                        Creativity

Physical Environment           Establish Direction                  Support

Next, rank your satisfaction in each of the categories below the area you chose. For example, in the area of Life, the first category is Career. Use a scale of 1-10: 0 = extremely dissatisfied and 10 = extremely satisfied.

Last, choose which of the categories you want to focus on improving. This is where it might get tricky. You don’t have to select the lowest ranked one. You get to choose based on what’s most important to you now. You might pick the one that will mitigate the most pain, the one that will have the biggest positive impact or the one that’s most exciting to you.

I know, choosing can be hard! And yet, it will propel you forward in seemingly magical ways. I like what Tony Robbins has to say about it, Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.

By naming your values and prioritizing, you give yourself a firm foundation to stand on. From this clear, stable, and steady place, what’s one step that you will take right now to move you 10% closer to what you want? I’d love to hear about your experience with this! Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Freeing Our Work Spirit

Our poor work spirits have taken quite a hit during this pandemic. By “work spirit” I mean the part of us that loves the work we’ve chosen to do and relishes the rewards we receive for doing it well. I’ve talked with people who are still working in their jobs, people who have laid off all their employees but are still working, and solopreneurs trying to stay afloat. Everyone is exhausted.

It takes an inordinate amount of energy to work right now. Our internal systems are overloaded by analyzing decisions that didn’t require our attention a month ago. We have to ask ourselves: Am I far enough away from that person? How can I reduce the number of trips to the grocery store? How do I not look like a total dork on Zoom? Why aren’t I using this time for my big, dream projects? It’s no wonder we’re wiped out!

How do we free ourselves so we can enjoy our work again? We can’t extricate ourselves by continuing to do the same things faster or longer, or forcing ourselves with mean internal thoughts, or comparing ourselves to other people we imagine never get stuck.

I propose giving ourselves some grace and space to loosen the ropes that are constricting us.

Consider these untying tips for freeing up your work spirit.

Mighty Metaphor

What’s a metaphor that represents how you want to feel about your work or business right now?

We get stuck in the stories we tell ourselves. They become our truth even though they are most likely not true. This process shifts our perspective and opens us to new viewpoints.

Here’s an example to jump start your imagination. Metaphor: My business has been in a car accident, t-boned by another vehicle. It’s not my fault and yet my business is physically injured. I need to help it heal. When our bodies are healing, we take care of them and know that recovery will take time with plenty of ups and downs along the way.

What metaphor comes to mind for you for your work environment? How might a change in perspective shift your attitude and actions?

Sweet Self-Compassion

As soon as I utter the words, “We need to give ourselves even more self-compassion,” anyone I’m with says, “Yes!” We innately know that compassion is a good thing.

The most basic definition of self-compassion is talking to yourself with the same kindness you would use with a friend. My go-to person in this area is Dr. Kristin Neff (self-compassion.org).

Dr. Neff offers this activity that you can do right now:

1. Put both hands on your heart, pause, and feel their warmth.

2. Breathe deeply in and out.

3. Speak these words to yourself, out loud or silently, in a warm and caring tone:

This is a moment of suffering.

Suffering is a part of life.

May I be kind to myself in this moment.

May I give myself the compassion I need.

How are you feeling now? Simply notice.

Soothe Yourself

Consider what you need physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Remember that when you’re taking care of yourself, you are immensely more effective at taking care of the other people and work in your life. It is not selfish. Imagine putting the oxygen mask on yourself first or filling your cup so you have plenty to share.

A participant recently shared this concept with our leadership development group. Each of us shows up to work with one cup of empathy. We can either pour all of it on one person or disburse it drip-by-drip throughout the day. When it’s gone, that’s it. The problem is that sometimes the cup is emptied at work and we have nothing left for our families. The group immediately wondered, “How do we increase the size of our cup so we have more empathy to give?” The answer. Take care of ourselves first.

How might you take a little better care of yourself? The people and work in your life will thank you. What is one practice that you will do for the next week to free your work spirit? I’d love to hear what worked for you. Connect with me at Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Befriending Measurements

I recently had a meeting with a colleague during which I was vigorously sharing my detailed analysis of 2019 and a clear plan for 2020. My colleague paused, starring at one number and said, “Wait. Did you say all of this is income going away?” I flippantly said, “Yes, but look at what I have planned!” Suddenly I saw that even though I had looked at the numbers, I hadn’t truly seen the one with the negative impact. 

My enthusiastic nature leads me toward highlighting positive progress, and even hiding negative indicators so I won’t see them and feel like a failure. This is nice of my inner cheerleader but not helpful in the long run. 

Tracking progress toward goals can evoke procrastination, trepidation, and down-right fear. If you aimed high, saw what you wanted to accomplish, and we’re excited about the possibilities, it can be hard to compare your ideal vision with the stark reality of what actually happened.

Yet your ability to see clearly is directly related to skills of self-awareness (the foundation of emotional intelligence) and self-leadership. How can you lead yourself in viewing measurements in a way that will help you accomplish what matters most?

Here are some ideas—using self-awareness and leadership—to design your own measurement and goal-achievement process.

Internal Dialog

If you’re prone to slipping into less-than-kind self-talk, prepare in advance. Remind yourself that the measurement reflects what you’re doing, not your worth as a person. Notice what you’re saying to yourself and be kind. What would you say to a friend facing a similar situation? Brené Brown reminds us, “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” What we say to ourselves internally can transform doom-and-gloom thinking into self-compassion that will energize us to take positive steps forward. 

Before evaluating results, start by centering yourself with a breathing exercise. For example, use the four-square breathing technique. Count to four as you breathe in, hold for four, breathe out for four, hold for four, and repeat a few times. When you look at the results you’re measuring, notice what you say to yourself internally. If needed, change your self-talk to be more helpful. Being kind to yourself takes practice and is crucial in self-awareness and leadership.

Perspective Shift

Write or think about the results from a perspective that’s meaningful for you. What’s important about the goal related to the measurement you’re tracking? How does it connect to your whole business or life? How does it align or not align with your values? Sometimes a tiny viewpoint variation makes a gigantic difference. According to Wayne Dyer, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Try it for yourself.

Feedforward Lantern

Think of measurements as feedback pointing the way to the future—feedforward. How is the measurement that you’re viewing helping you see what to do in the future? Imagine the measurement as a lantern shining the way forward on a path toward the future that you want to create. What is the measurement illuminating? Do you need to change directions? Do you need to continue on the same path for a while longer? Based on what you see, have the courage to choose the next step forward.

Habit Highlight

Is there a habit to start or stop that will help you do better? James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says, “Habit formation is a long race. It often takes time for the desired results to appear. And while you are waiting for the long-term rewards of your efforts to accumulate, you need a reason to stick with it in the short-term. You need some immediate feedback that shows you are on the right path.” Measurements are that immediate feedback.

See It Your Way

How do you like to look at your measurements? I love using colored markers and big flip charts or whiteboards every chance I get. The colors make it more fun and writing helps connect me to the data. Upbeat music is the cherry on top! My last step in the analysis is now to say it out loud to another human for a reality check. How do you like to view what you’re tracking? Does it help to have a colleague to share with? Do you love Excel spreadsheets, tables, or mind maps? Consider trying a new method. Notice what works for you and do it.

By improving your skills in self-awareness and self-leadership, you notice what works best for you and then lead yourself forward. Measurements are your friend, your co-conspirator in accomplishing what matters most. How might you befriend measurements? I’d love to hear about your approach. Send me a note.

When to Emulate and When to Originate

In school, we’re always told never to copy a fellow student’s work. That’s cheating! It’s a forbidden, punishable, no-no. But as you move through life, you may find that there are times when imitation can be a valuable technique, especially when you’re in the process of learning a new skill. However, you’ll soon find that to reach the next level of success, you must move from emulation to developing your own expertise. 

After 35 years of working for other companies, I decided to go out on my own almost two years ago. As I built my business, I earned several certifications, received challenge and support from my coach, and was inspired by many people along the way.

I’ve been climbing a steep learning curve. Recently, I hit a plateau. After taking stock of where I had been and where I envisioned going, I saw the next mountain to climb. It was time to stop emulating the people and programs I had learned from, and start refining my own voice and style.

Imagine your teachers, coaches, and mentors as training wheels on a bicycle. If you’re going to truly have fun and excel at riding, you need to lose the training wheels! Yes, you’re going to wobble. You’re going to fall down. Then, you’re going to feel the wind in your hair and have a blast riding!

Here are tips to move from mimicry to “my way:”

Do It Your Way

Use all the material you’ve learned and then, unlearn it, and do it your way.

Frank Boyden, a founder of the nearly 50-year-old Sitka Center for Art and Ecology, envisioned a place where artists could come unlearn all the stuff they had learned in the Masters of Fine Arts programs. He knew that while an education is important, eventually an artist must develop his or her own creative voice to truly be successful.

How can you inject a bit of your voice the next time you’re practicing a new skill? For example, in becoming a better leader. What idea have you held back from sharing with your team? Share it in your way at the next meeting.

Teach, Present, Write

The best way to learn something—and to find your own voice in it—is to teach it! Challenge yourself to teach a class, present an hour-long Lunch & Learn session, or write an article or blog post.

For example, you could learn about presentation skills by attending Toastmasters meetings or watching Ted Talks. After being inspired by people who do it well, find a place to practice speaking in your voice. Volunteer to present at your local Chamber of Commerce, Rotary organization, or other groups that interest you.

Good Theft vs. Bad Theft

Emulating another person’s style or work does not mean flat-out copying it and presenting it as your own. I believe it means paying attention to what you notice other people doing that sparks something inside you. For me, there’s an inner voice I sense that says something like, “Wow! That’s cool!” or “Ooooo, I’d love to learn how to do it like that,” or “Oh. I never thought of doing it that way. I like that.”

In Steal Like an Artist, Austin Kleon lays it out like this:

Good Theft                                        Bad Theft

Honor                                                 Degrade

Study                                                  Skim

Steal from many                                Steal from one

Credit                                                 Plagiarize

Transform                                          Imitate

Remix                                                 Rip off

Let’s be good thieves, not bad thieves!

You’ve Got It In You

Years ago, I said to my therapist, “My dad drives me crazy because he’s so judgmental!” To my horror, she said, “You know that when we notice something in someone else, it’s because we have it in us, too.” Nooooo! That was not what I wanted to hear, even though she was spot-on.

Since then I’ve learned that the opposite is also true. When I notice a leader who is willing to be authentic, to boldly say what he or she believes, and generously share to help others, I remind myself that I’m capable of that also.

Who are the people that inspire you? What exactly is it that you notice? Know that you also have that quality inside you. What would it look like to express it?

Create for the First Time

Does your work involve designing documents, presentations, videos, forms, systems, websites, etc.? Mine does. I deeply appreciate that building things like that takes a lot of time, energy, and expertise. (I feel the pain!) When people offer to share their work with me, I quickly say, “Yes! Thank you!”

For example, I have used another person’s PowerPoint presentation as a foundation and then customized it with my style. Often when I need to build a new system or process, I ask my Mastermind group members how they do it and then tweak it for myself. Website design inspiration comes from bookmarking websites I love so that when it’s time for me to make changes, I have fuel to stimulate my creative juices.

Wrapping It Up

Children imitate parents. Mentees mirror the style of mentors. Students regurgitate the right answers for exams. Emulation and education help us grow—to a point. Have the courage to kick off those training wheels and ride all-out! Ethically, honorably, and intentionally use the work of others and then, do it your way.

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GROW • STEP OUT • LEAD • DO

I help people grow, so they can step out of their comfort zones, take the lead, and do what matters most to them.

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Revive to Thrive

Hey there!

Are you feeling the urge to revive your spirt so you can thrive in the coming year? I sure am.

It’s full-on wintertime, snuggle in time, reflection, celebration, and envisioning time. Remember, I’m here for you if you want a Coach to walk with you toward those big, juicy dreams in 2019. Send me an email or schedule a complimentary Curious About Coaching Session.

In appreciation of the year-end swirl of activity, I’m signing-off until the new year.

Before I leave, I want to share five inspiring images I just found while reorganizing files on my laptop. They contributed to my digital Vision Board in 2017. I still love them! I hope one or more of them speak to the desires in your heart.

In the spirit of creating lives we love!

Jalene

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2019 Creation Sessions

What are you doing to wrap up 2018 and hit the ground running in 2019?

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I’ve been in my own deep-dive process of reviewing 2018, and designing a system for setting and tracking meaningful goals for 2019. I feel focused on what I want to create and excited to do it!

I’d love to be your partner in:

• Reviewing your accomplishments from 2018

• Designing a 2019 goal setting and tracking system that works for you

• Tapping into the primal power of your values

• Building a support system to inspire and nurture you

Reach out to me and we’ll customize a program for you.

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Always Offering

Executive & Personal Coaching

I help powerful female leaders who are always improving (and sometimes anxious!) do what they want. Learn more.

Team Development

I help teams who want to be more potent, and are struggling to authentically communicate with each other so they can get the right work done. Learn more. 

Outside Our Comfort Zone

Hey there!

I’m guessing that you’re a person who dares to step outside your comfort zone, to challenge yourself, to expand what’s possible for you — personally and professionally.

What do you do when you stumble and fall, when reality doesn’t match the brilliant vision in your mind? It’s bound to happen. It happens to all of us who say, “Yes!” to doing something new because it excites us, even though it also scares the heck out of of us. Let’s talk about how we can support ourselves when (not if!) we stumble.

In the spirit of creating lives we love!

Jalene

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2019 Creation Sessions

What are you doing to wrap up 2018 and hit the ground running in 2019?

View fullsize

Where are you heading in 2019?

I’ve been in my own deep-dive process of reviewing 2018, and designing a system for setting and tracking my most meaningful goals for 2019. I feel focused on what I want to create and excited to do it!

I’d love to be your partner to coach you in:

• Reviewing your accomplishments from 2018

• Designing a 2019 goal setting and tracking system that works for you

• Tapping into the primal power of your values

• Building a support system to inspire and nurture you

Reach out to me and we’ll customize a program for you.

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Always Offering

Executive & Personal Coaching

I help powerful female leaders who are always improving (and sometimes anxious!) do what they want. Learn more.

Team Development

I help teams who want to be more potent, and are struggling to authentically communicate with each other so they can get the right work done. Learn more. 

To Break or Not To Break

Hey there!

When you’re exhausted — not “if” but “when” — and you want to get more work done, there’s a moment when you have a chance to decide whether to give yourself a break or not.

I believe that giving ourselves a break, no matter how small, will lead to better quality work, reduce the risk of burnout, AND bring us more joy.

In the spirit of creating lives we love!

Jalene

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Offering

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Executive & Personal Coaching

I help powerful female leaders who are always improving (and sometimes anxious!) do what they want. Learn more.

Professional Development

I help teams who want to be more potent, and are struggling with communication, goal setting, collaboration, accountability, decision making, and participation. Learn more. 

Being Your Own Wise Cheerleader

Hey there!

Do you ever feel like you could use a pep talk?

Rather relying on someone else — a boss, colleague, partner, or friend — to tell you what you need to hear, try being your own wise cheerleader. Learn more about what that sounds like…

In the spirit of creating lives we love!

Jalene

P.S. Are you beginning to think about 2019 goals? I sure am and will have lots to share ;)

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Offering

Executive & Personal Coaching

I help powerful female leaders who are always improving (and sometimes anxious!) do what they want. Learn more.

Professional Development

I help teams who want to be more potent, and are struggling with communication, goal setting, collaboration, accountability, decision making, and participation. Learn more. 

What lights you up?

Hey there!

What’s lighting you up these days? I’m not talking about the minor thrill of checking off a To Do List item. I’m talking about noticing when you say things to yourself like, “it would be a dream come true to…” I heard those words this week. The idea scares and excites me!

If you have a big dream that you really want to make progress on consider this:

Pilot Women’s Mastermind Group

Three to five women will meet 6 times from November-January via Zoom video.

You’re Invited…

To unlock your potential and take empowered action to reach your goals with the continued support of a mastermind group.

You could benefit from a mastermind group if:

• You want to expand your vision of what’s possible and be held gently, yet firmly accountable in taking action.

• You often feel isolated and alone in working toward your goals.

• You have a desire to gather with other women who are ready to go all-in on making their dreams come true.

Does this sound like you? If you’re feeling an excited (yet slightly scared!) yes, I invite you to consider joining.

The group will be 3-5 women meeting 6 times from November to January via Zoom video.

Why Join a Mastermind Group?

Napoleon Hill wrote about the mastermind group principle as: “The coordination of knowledge and effort of two or more people, who work toward a definite purpose, in the spirit of harmony.”

At the core, a mastermind group helps all members achieve success and be better versions of themselves:

Better Humans = Better World!

I believe that desires are divine and that the dream that’s been whispering to you is yours to do. It is your positive contribution to a better world for all of us. Doing it alone is the hard way! In our mastermind group, we empower each other to transform our dreams into realities, one baby step at a time.

Send me a message and I'll send you all the details so you can sign-up by October 23. There’s only room for 5 women — don’t wait!

In the spirit of creating lives we love!

Jalene

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Offering

Executive & Personal Coaching

I help powerful female leaders who are always improving (and sometimes anxious!) do what they want. Learn more.

Professional Development

I help teams who want to be more potent, and are struggling with communication, goal setting, collaboration, accountability, decision making, and participation. Learn more.