Define what you want, desire & wish for 🌈

Hello!

Filling your cup intellectually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually is important in your personal and professional life. When your cup is full, you have more to give those around you, leaving a bigger impact on them and/or your work together.

Previously, I shared a worksheet with you to help guide you in this process (grab it if you missed it!).

Whether you are just starting the process of ensuring your cup is full or if you’re now successfully filling your cup, it’s time to use the energy you’re generating to be more courageous in visualizing what you want.

The end of the year is the perfect time to begin envisioning what you want in the new year.

Start by wondering, What do I want?

That question sounds simple on the surface and yet, it’s power-packed because the answers will sculpt your life, define your goals, and bring you a sense of fulfillment. This is big!

The word want gets used in so many ways so I want to make sure we’re on the same page for how I’m using it here.

Want means to feel a need or a desire for; to wish for a particular thing or plan of action; to want to start or stop being involved in something, to want strongly or for a specific reason.

How does it feel to read that? Exhilarating? Scary? Daunting?

It’s common for emotions like these to come up when you step out and step up.

I use this phrase to describe stepping out of your comfort zone and stepping up into who you want to be and what you want to do. To me, that feels scary AND exciting!

Next ask yourself..

What do I want in the next 30 days?

Write 1-3 descriptions for your 30-day wants.

For example, I want: to feel energized, to see my office organized, to connect with clients.

Tip: Don’t get caught up in the hows, only the wants for now.

Next, ask yourself…

What do I want in 90 days, 1 year, 5 years, 10 years.

Write 1-3 descriptions of wants for each of the time periods.

If you get stumped, stick with it. The first time I tried to write what I wanted in 10 years, I felt uncertain and frustrated. The more I did it, the more clear I got about it.

You can take it a step further and ask the same questions of your team. Gaining this clarity together can make you all more focused and motivated.

Here’s to leading yourself first!

P.S. If you’d like support in this area, let’s talk. Schedule a 30-minute Zoom chat, and we’ll start with what you want.

Nine Strategies for Being the Leader of You

Being a good leader of others starts with leading ourselves and yet, it’s still not a commonly discussed topic. If we use the same definition as leadership but flip it to self, this is what it looks like: Self-leadership is influencing yourself to believe in a vision while creating a sense of purpose and direction for yourself. 

In a quest to help my clients (and myself!) be better self-leaders, I created the Self-Leadership Map with nine strategies. In this culmination of a nine-post series, you get to pull together what you’ve learned about yourself. If you want to read or reread the previous eight posts, they’re all together on the Self-Leadership Map web page. Even if you haven’t read all the blog posts, you’ll find the essence of the Self-Leadership Map below or download a free worksheet version. You can use this to support yourself in staying focused on what matters most.

Touchstone Foundation 

These touchstones will repeatedly keep you grounded and inspired.

• Annual Theme: What is my focus for the year? Write a word, phrase, or sentence.

• Core Values: Who am I when I’m at my best? What influences hard decisions? Write 2-5 values.

• Purpose/Why: What is the belief or cause that drives me? Write a phrase or sentence.

• Love Notes to Self: What will I remind myself of when times get rough? Write 2-5 words, phrases, or sentences.

Wholehearted Being

This is fuel for your motivation. Self-care and awareness produce energy to keep moving forward.

• How will I take care of myself? Write 1-3 for each area.

  • Intellectually

  • Physically

  • Emotionally

  • Spiritually

• Which character traits describe how I want to show up at my best at work? Write 1-5 words.

• Which character traits describe how I want to show up at my best at home? Write 1-5 words

Near & Far Vision

Envision what you truly want in the near-term and long-term.

• What do you want? (Use the time periods of 30 days, 90 days, 12 months, 5 years, 10 years.)

Decisive Goals

Choosing a limited number of goals will provide focus.

• What will I do to achieve my vision? (Use the time periods of 30 days, 90 days, 12 months, 5 years, 10 years.)

Consistent Action

Tenacious tiny steps are what leads to accomplishing big goals. 

• What practices or habits will I do to support myself so I will reach my vision? Write 1-3 for each period: daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, annually.

Energizing Support

Connecting with people who support you can bring resources, collaborations, joy, and more

• Who supports me in the following areas?

  • Tackle problems & challenges

  • Understand business & people

  • Colleagues

  • Core work and/or hired team

  • Which groups do I want to join and be actively involved in?

  • How will I remind myself to reach out when I want and/or need help?

Pesky Obstacles

Notice what’s getting in your way. For example, physical space (external) or negative self-talk (internal).

• What is getting in my way externally? Write as many as you want.

• What is getting in my way internally? Write as many as you want.

• How might I mitigate or eliminate these obstacles? Write 1-3 strategies.

Appreciative Celebration

When we celebrate, it teaches our brain to do more of what we’re celebrating.

• How might I celebrate my small and big accomplishments? Write 1-3 strategies.

Sustainable Ecosystem

Think of the previous eight areas as living, breathing, evolving parts of your self-leadership ecosystem. Reflect on what’s most useful for you at this stage of your life. Consider where you want to keep this information, how you want to update it, and what will support you best to stay on track.

• What will your system look like? Consider these areas:

  • Where will I keep the information from this map? For example: print, post on the wall, digitally, or separate out the elements and keep in different places. There are no rules so do what works best for you.

  • How often will I engage with these self-leadership elements? For example: read everything weekly or monthly, and update some of the sections on a regular basis.

• Example of a Sustainable Ecosystem:

  • Daily: Use software to track baby steps toward goals & visions.

  • Weekly: Focus on completing 30-day goals.

  • Monthly: Read the whole map to reconnect with my foundation and vision, update areas as needed, celebrate achievements with accountability partner or coach.

This is the most important part of the entire process. Create a system for leading yourself that works for you. There are no rules! Be creative. Be innovative. Be structured or be wild. Above all…first, be the leader of you!

Learn more about all nine self-leadership strategies + download a Self-Leadership Map as a fillable PDF so you can use this valuable tool well into the future.

I’d love to hear at least one strategy that works best for you. Send me an email.

Allow Your Wild & Wonderful Wants to Bloom: A Method to Uncover What You Want

What do you want? This question is simple on the surface but the answers to it can sculpt your life, define your goals, and bring a myriad of emotions from frustration to fulfillment. By declaring what you want, you’re also deciding what you don’t want, and drawing a blueprint from which to build your goals. Consider the definition of want: to feel a need or a desire for; wish for. When was the last time you thought about what you truly wanted, desired, wished for?

My coach asked me to write what I wanted in 30 days, 90 days, 12 months, 5 years, and 10 years. I enthusiastically dove into the assignment. Knowing what I wanted in the next 30 days was easy. Knowing what I wanted in all the other time frames stumped me. I felt surprised and confused! How could I possibly not be able to write what I wanted? Rather than quickly getting the assignment done, I decided to dig in to figure out what was getting in my way.

First, I did a session of wild writing to gain insights into what was driving me from the inside out. This technique, outlined by Natalie Goldberg in Wild Mind, is designed to bypass your inner critic and get to your inner operating system. Every time I do it, I see the situation from a new viewpoint. 

If you’d like to try it, there are a few simple rules: 1) Hold a topic in mind. Example: What do I want? 2) Use a prompt to write for two, 10-minute sessions. Example: For session one, I know… and for session two, I don’t know… 3) Go for the jugular. In other words, don’t hold back; know you can destroy it later if you choose to. 4) Read what you wrote and circle what stands out to you. 

From my wild writing session, I realized that I wasn’t allowing myself to want what I really wanted. I felt like it was too much to ask for, felt anxious and afraid. Yikes. I could hear that inner saboteur voice coming through loud and clear. It said things like, who are you to want that, that’s too much, you should be more humble. The kryptonite to that kind of inner dialog is light-hearted play, so I played. 

I gave myself full permission to write (with fun, colored markers on my whiteboard!) whatever I wanted in each of those time frames. It could be ridiculous, gigantic, tiny, fun, serious – no boundaries! Viewing it from a third person perspective was also helpful. Example: What does future Jalene want? I left what I wrote on my whiteboard for a while so I could gradually hone it. I reminded myself repeatedly that I could want whatever I truly wanted.

Writing what I wanted led naturally to visualizing it. Seeing glimpses of what future Jalene wanted her life to look like from 30 days to 10 years felt powerful. Plus, I knew it was going to make my goals more potent when it came time to write them.

Next, I wanted to breathe life into my vision, to operationalize it, to make it part of my routine. Now it’s one of nine components on a Self-Leadership Blueprint that I designed. The document hangs on the wall near my desk and is read weekly within about 5 minutes. As I read it, I’m reminded of where I am now and where I want to go the future. That’s huge for me!

I can be super-efficient at being busy with what needs done right now, what’s urgent and even important, but lose sight of the big picture I’m painting of my whole life. 

Examining my wants has grown like a field of wildflowers in my life, popping up in unexpected places, bringing splashes of color to mundane decisions. I hear the word want when it shows up in everyday internal dialog. For example: What do I want to eat? What do I want to do next? Where do I want to go on vacation? Those all seem like simple questions and yet, they will shape me physically (what I eat), how I use my precious time (what I do), and how I enjoy myself (vacation). 

Bottom line, actions based on consciously choosing what you want will bring feelings of fulfillment, contentment, and satisfaction. The return on your investment of time couldn’t be higher. I challenge you to find your way of discovering what you truly want. I’d love to hear how you unearthed your wants! Email me at Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part two in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.

How to Choose Between “Want” and “Should”

Doing what we want to do brings fulfillment and joy. On the other hand, doing what we think we should do can bring discomfort and confusion. The tricky thing is deciding for ourselves what we truly want and will commit to doing. 

I’ve been working with two executives who are grappling with the decision of whether or not they want to advance in their organizations. I hear things like, “I should want to be the top leader. I should want to make more money.” 

I’ve experienced this myself when my husband and I made the decision in our 50s to quit our good jobs so we could take two years to ride our motorcycles to the southern tip of South America. A big obstacle for us was thinking that we should be making more money to save more for retirement. 

You may be thinking, “Yes! You should want to be the top leader and make more money!” You are not wrong. That’s why discerning what you want versus what you think you should want is complex.

The two executives have done lots of should do’s in their lives. Perhaps that’s why they’re beyond ready to focus more on what they truly want to do. The question is, “What will you commit to doing?”

That’s a big question! To help answer it, you can differentiate between the should do’s and the truly want to do’s by using skills in self-awareness and decision-making.

The first step is noticing when there’s a discrepancy between a should and a want. Here’s a tip. Pay attention to when your internal voice says something like this: I want to __________ but I should __________. When you notice some version of this, put on your sleuth hat and start investigating. 

For example, I want to eat the whole cake but I should only eat a slice. I want to accept the job I’m excited about but I should take the one that pays more. Noticing and questioning is the first step, which involves the cornerstone skill of emotional intelligence: self-awareness.

Connecting with Your True Wants Using Self-Awareness

1. Give yourself space. A client has been giving herself space to do things she likes and to do nothing at all. There’s a saying that goes something like this: the best solutions come when you’re not thinking about the problem. That’s what she’s experiencing. She’s learning more about what she wants and doesn’t want without directly thinking about it. Plus, she’s having fun!

2. 5 Years/5 Scenarios. What might your life look like in the next five years? Create five different scenarios and then choose the one you want. Think about your work, personal life, body, learning, spirituality, and more.

3. Write, draw, paint or create a Vision Board. Express what you want your life to look and feel like. Dare to dream. Imagine what you want in one, five, and 10 years. Lately I’ve needed to remind myself that it’s okay to want. Allow yourself to be wholeheartedly you.

4. Combine data with self-knowledge. Learning about yourself using data may sound counter-intuitive but it’s surprisingly comforting and turbo charges self-awareness.

   When you answer questions about yourself and then read a report based on those answers, you see yourself from a new vantage point. The report won’t get you 100% right. It can’t. But it can give you language about yourself, words that you may not have used to describe yourself but that you know are spot-on.

   The magic happens when you choose what fits and what doesn’t. The key is for the data to be based on science which is why I recommend TTI Success Insights. I use several of their assessment tools with clients. To learn more, reach out to me on JaleneCase.com or visit TTISI.com.

5. Go down the rabbit hole. What have you been curious about doing? What is your internal voice whispering? Perhaps … learn to sail or change jobs or go back to school or start a business. Follow that voice by giving yourself full permission to simply research the topic. Go down any rabbit hole you choose. Google it. Read about it. Reach out to learn more from teachers, authors, businesses, whoever might shed light on what you want to explore.

The more self-awareness you develop, the easier it will be to decide between what you want to do versus what you think you should do. Ask yourself right now, “What do I want to do next?”  I’d love to hear what you learn in that internal conversation. Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Paddle Toward Your Vision

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Our responsibilities can toss us around like we’re rafting through white-water rapids without a paddle. Our direction feels like it’s utterly controlled by the river. This is how it can feel when we don’t have a clear vision and goals guiding us to where we want to go.

I knew where I was heading and how I was going to get there before the pandemic hit. And then, for a while there, it felt like I was on a wild river without a paddle! To stick with this metaphor…now I see my path forward and have paddles in-hand to take me where I want to go. Here’s what my route looked like.

1. First, I felt mad and frustrated.

2. Then, I took advantage of several virtual learning opportunities.

3. Slowly, a new vision of my future began to emerge.

4. Recently, I wrote my new vision and goals and feel more focused and productive than ever.

In the past, I would have lingered longer in a state of busyness that gave me a false sense of purpose based on getting something done. This time, I went inside first to clarify what I wanted and how to get it. I didn’t get lost in wishing things were different. I took action – even though it was mostly uncomfortable – to make changes from the inside out.

Imagine you have a blank canvas in front of you and that your vision and goals are going to paint your future. Like every artist’s work is original, your approach will be your own. Use the ideas below to stimulate your inner creative, visionary.

Clarify Your Vision

Choose the exercise(s) that will help you paint your vision of the future.

• Write or Mind Map what you want your future to look like. Include every sensory detail possible and the aspect of your life that you want to focus on now.

• Use the Wild Writing technique by Natalie Goldberg. This method helps bypass the inner critic and get to what I call our inner operating system. Hold the topic of your vision in mind. Write for 10-minutes using the prompt “I know…” and then (shake your hand out!), and use the prompt “I don’t know…” to write for another 10-minutes. Follow these rules:

  • Don’t lift your pen from the paper.

  • Keep writing no matter what. If you don’t know what to write then write “I don’t know what to write” until something else comes.

  • Go for the jugular. You can burn or shred it later!

  • Don’t go back and correct anything. You can do that when you’re finished.

• Consider these questions through writing, speaking the answers into your phone, pondering them while walking, or sharing them with someone you trust.

  • What do I want more of in my life? What do I want less of in my life?

  • If I could wave a magic wand, I would…

  • If I were to step into a way of being that represents me more fully, I would…

• Make a Vision Board by gluing images to paper that represent the future you want. Tips: Choose metaphorical images such as facial expressions that represent how you want to feel or images that represent something tangible you want like a new BBQ grill, dog, or house. Use any paper you want. I’ve used everything from letter-size to poster-size. Give yourself uninterrupted time to create this visual image of your future.

Craft Your Goals

Disclaimer: I have a love/hate relationship with goals. I hate declaring what I will do because it means I have to abandon (for now!) some of my bright shiny ideas. I love that goals tether me, in the best way possible, to the future I want.

Goals work when they’re held within a system that works for you. Design your process. Work with it. Innovate it over and over again so it’s a valuable tool for you.

Tips for building a goal system:

• Connect them to your values and vision.

• Language matters so use words that inspire you (for example, instead of goal use action or target).

• Key Results (which I call Desires) set a general direction (such as connect with clients, earn a healthy income, etc.).

• Monthly and Quarterly Goals maintain focus on specific actions to achieve Key Results. These are the S.M.A.R.T. goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound).

• Post Key Results and Goals in a prominent spot to minimize Squirrel! moments.

• Share the results out loud monthly, with a person you trust, to stay true to yourself.

• Take 15-minutes in the morning to write what you will do that day.

• Consider what will support you in terms of habits, people, structures, etc.

• Celebrate often! Based on neuroscience, celebration teaches our brain to do more of whatever we’re celebrating. I like to raise my arm in the air and say, “Yay me!”

Discerning your vision and goals will make riding the river of life much more fulfilling and meaningful. I’m a geek when it comes to learning about goal systems so I’d love to hear what yours looks like. Send me a note to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.