How to Choose Between “Want” and “Should”

Doing what we want to do brings fulfillment and joy. On the other hand, doing what we think we should do can bring discomfort and confusion. The tricky thing is deciding for ourselves what we truly want and will commit to doing. 

I’ve been working with two executives who are grappling with the decision of whether or not they want to advance in their organizations. I hear things like, “I should want to be the top leader. I should want to make more money.” 

I’ve experienced this myself when my husband and I made the decision in our 50s to quit our good jobs so we could take two years to ride our motorcycles to the southern tip of South America. A big obstacle for us was thinking that we should be making more money to save more for retirement. 

You may be thinking, “Yes! You should want to be the top leader and make more money!” You are not wrong. That’s why discerning what you want versus what you think you should want is complex.

The two executives have done lots of should do’s in their lives. Perhaps that’s why they’re beyond ready to focus more on what they truly want to do. The question is, “What will you commit to doing?”

That’s a big question! To help answer it, you can differentiate between the should do’s and the truly want to do’s by using skills in self-awareness and decision-making.

The first step is noticing when there’s a discrepancy between a should and a want. Here’s a tip. Pay attention to when your internal voice says something like this: I want to __________ but I should __________. When you notice some version of this, put on your sleuth hat and start investigating. 

For example, I want to eat the whole cake but I should only eat a slice. I want to accept the job I’m excited about but I should take the one that pays more. Noticing and questioning is the first step, which involves the cornerstone skill of emotional intelligence: self-awareness.

Connecting with Your True Wants Using Self-Awareness

1. Give yourself space. A client has been giving herself space to do things she likes and to do nothing at all. There’s a saying that goes something like this: the best solutions come when you’re not thinking about the problem. That’s what she’s experiencing. She’s learning more about what she wants and doesn’t want without directly thinking about it. Plus, she’s having fun!

2. 5 Years/5 Scenarios. What might your life look like in the next five years? Create five different scenarios and then choose the one you want. Think about your work, personal life, body, learning, spirituality, and more.

3. Write, draw, paint or create a Vision Board. Express what you want your life to look and feel like. Dare to dream. Imagine what you want in one, five, and 10 years. Lately I’ve needed to remind myself that it’s okay to want. Allow yourself to be wholeheartedly you.

4. Combine data with self-knowledge. Learning about yourself using data may sound counter-intuitive but it’s surprisingly comforting and turbo charges self-awareness.

   When you answer questions about yourself and then read a report based on those answers, you see yourself from a new vantage point. The report won’t get you 100% right. It can’t. But it can give you language about yourself, words that you may not have used to describe yourself but that you know are spot-on.

   The magic happens when you choose what fits and what doesn’t. The key is for the data to be based on science which is why I recommend TTI Success Insights. I use several of their assessment tools with clients. To learn more, reach out to me on JaleneCase.com or visit TTISI.com.

5. Go down the rabbit hole. What have you been curious about doing? What is your internal voice whispering? Perhaps … learn to sail or change jobs or go back to school or start a business. Follow that voice by giving yourself full permission to simply research the topic. Go down any rabbit hole you choose. Google it. Read about it. Reach out to learn more from teachers, authors, businesses, whoever might shed light on what you want to explore.

The more self-awareness you develop, the easier it will be to decide between what you want to do versus what you think you should do. Ask yourself right now, “What do I want to do next?”  I’d love to hear what you learn in that internal conversation. Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

5 Tips to Habits that Fit Your Life Now

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Positive habits result in a sweet sense of satisfaction. Are your habits doing that for you? If not, it might be time to strengthen the routines you want to keep and toss the ones that no longer serve you.

This is personal for me. My habits have changed dramatically to fit a 35-year corporate career, two years of traveling by motorcycle in Latin America, and three years of running a business. Each of those areas required very different routines. I bet your helpful habits have changed over the years, too.

I continually get better at seeing how my habits work for me and against me. Recently I asked myself, “How do I fortify the habits that are helping me so I can more easily reach my desired outcomes?” That question lit my curiosity.

As my awareness of habits has increased, I’ve come to believe that whether we’re aware of them or not, they’re a powerful force in our lives. Now, I want to see and use them. I want my habits to bring me feelings of accomplishment, satisfaction, and joy!

If you’re curious about your habits, here are some places to begin honing them.

Start with stopping.

What habits are no longer serving you? They might be left over from another time in your life. Maybe you started doing them unconsciously and, although you know they’re not helping, you’re having trouble unhooking from them.

One of the habits that I’ve stopped is related to taking breaks. My habit was to never take a break at work. Almost all the time, I would eat lunch at my desk, while working on the computer, and not take morning or afternoon breaks.

Thanks to my coach, I stopped that habit. She helped me see that taking breaks actually increased my productivity. Now, I take morning and afternoon breaks, usually with a healthy snack, plus a lunch hour which typically involves eating while listening to a podcast and then listening to a guided meditation.

This habit took time to change. Initially I felt like a loafer! Slowly I noticed a shift. My belief changed from “no breaks means I’m a hard worker” to “breaks mean I’m a smart, productive worker taking care of myself so I don’t burnout.”

How are beliefs connected with habits?

I believed that not taking breaks proved I was working hard. I thought working more hours meant I would be more successful. Now I believe that when I take better care of myself, I do better work which leads to more meaningful success.

Which comes first, the habit change or the belief change? That’s like asking, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” It could go either way. In my example of breaks, first I changed the habit and then my new belief hatched.

Choose what you want first.

Snazzy new habits will lose steam fast if they’re not truly hooked-up with your desires. So, “What do you want?” That’s a simple question and yet so tough to answer sometimes. 

The reason I focused on taking breaks as a habit was because I wanted to build a business in which I could take care of myself rather than burning out like I’d done in the past.

I suggest starting simple. What’s one thing you want? Play with creating one habit related to it. Here’s a trick for making habits stick. Build a habit chain by connecting a new habit to a current one. For example, while drinking coffee in the morning (current habit) write in your journal (new habit) or, when you first sit down at your desk (current), take time to plan your day (new). A habit chain will make new habits easier to start and stick to.

What do you want to learn more about before creating a new habit?

I’ve found that sometimes I don’t know what habit will help me. In that case, learning a new perspective, approach, or process is what guides me toward a new habit.

For example, in the taking a break scenario, my coach introduced the new perspective that breaks lead to increased productivity. Right now, I’m trying out a time-blocking approach I learned from the book Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life. I’m also experimenting with a process for connecting with potential new clients. All of those areas will be stronger with good habits.

K.I.S.S. = Keep It Simple Sweetie

When I’m at my best, I keep things simple rather than complex. Imagine one area of your life that you truly want to make better. Use the tips above to choose one habit that you’re pretty sure will move you closer to what you want. Try it for an appropriate time period. If it works, continue doing it. If it doesn’t work, try a different habit.

You get to be in charge of the habits that you stop and start doing. By noticing them, you can choose to let go of those getting in your way and fortify the ones that will move you toward what you desire. What’s one simple habit that you’ll commit to taking for a test run? I’d love to cheer you on! Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Cleaning & Choosing

Hey there!

How the heck are cleaning and choosing connected? Cleaning and organizing my home, office, and laptop led me to a surprising realization involving choice.

“Get rid of clutter and you may just find that it was blocking the door you’ve been looking for.” – Katrina Mayer

Choosing is also part of this mastermind group I’m offering:

Pilot Women’s Mastermind Group

Three to five women will meet 6 times from November-January via Zoom video.

You’re Invited…

To unlock your potential and take empowered action to reach your goals with the continued support of a mastermind group.

You could benefit from a mastermind group if:

• You want to expand your vision of what’s possible and be held gently, yet firmly accountable in taking action.

• You often feel isolated and alone in working toward your goals.

• You have a desire to gather with other women who are ready to go all-in on making their dreams come true.

Does this sound like you? If you’re feeling an excited (yet slightly scared!) yes, I invite you to consider joining.

The group will be 3-5 women meeting 6 times from November to January via Zoom video.

Why Join a Mastermind Group?

Napoleon Hill wrote about the mastermind group principle as: “The coordination of knowledge and effort of two or more people, who work toward a definite purpose, in the spirit of harmony.”

At the core, a mastermind group helps all members achieve success and be better versions of themselves:

Better Humans = Better World!

I believe that desires are divine and that the dream that’s been whispering to you is yours to do. It is your positive contribution to a better world for all of us. Doing it alone is the hard way! In our mastermind group, we empower each other to transform our dreams into realities, one baby step at a time.

Send me a message and I'll send you all the details so you can sign-up by October 23. There’s only room for 5 women — don’t wait!

A parting thought about cleaning & choosing:

“Clutter is nothing more than postponed decisions” – Barbara Hemphill

In the spirit of creating lives we love!

Jalene

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