How to Move Forward, Especially When You Don't Feel Like It

Behaviors move you closer to what you want. We all know this. But what happens when you don’t feel like doing the thing that you promised yourself you’d do? 

Think about a new habit you’ve been trying to develop or a meaningful goal that you’re working toward. What are the consistent actions or behaviors that you must do to continue moving in the direction you want to go? 

As an example, here’s a peek into how this is showing up for me right now. I’m committed to writing one blog post a month and yet, when the reminder pops up to get started, it lingers on my to-do list for a frustratingly long time. When I see “write blog” on my task list every morning for at least two weeks, I feel a punch-in-the-gut sensation every darned time. That’s followed by a smattering of negative self-talk that sounds something like this: “You need to get that done! Why do you put it off? I’m not in the mood to do it now, so I’ll wait until I have the right kind of energy and I’m excited about doing it.” 

Let’s unpack that scenario and I’ll share some knowledge and techniques I’ve learned to positively support myself.

Challenge: Getting It Done

In writing classes, Kim Stafford, a friend and poet, teaches that being a writer means showing up and doing the work even if you’re not in the mood that day. In other words, don’t wait until you feel like doing the work! He and his dad, poet William Stafford, showed up at 4 a.m. nearly every day to write poetry. 

The behavior of writing on a regular basis was connected to their larger vision and goals such as writing books. 

Think about the behaviors that will move you closer to your vision and goals. The action step may seem small but, rest assured, when it’s done repeatedly over time, it can be mighty.

Challenge: Putting It Off

I use what I call a consistent action technique that I’ve created to support myself.

Ask yourself: What tiny, tenacious steps will lead to accomplishing my goal(s)? 

Break those down into what you will do daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and/or annually. Use timeframes that make sense for you. For me, this information lives in a document I designed called Self-Leadership Blueprint. Plus, I add repeating calendar reminders so the consistent actions land on my task list for the day. 

Once a month I read my Self-Leadership Blueprint with nine strategies, which include visions, goals, and consistent actions. Then I adjust as needed. 

Imperfectly using this process can support you in taking consistent action toward your goals.

Challenge: Not Being In The Mood

This one is tricky so let’s dig deeper into it. 

Your mood, feeling, or emotion is transient. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, author of My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey offers this description of what happens:

When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens in the body; after that, any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop. Something happens in the external world and chemicals are flushed through your body which puts it on full alert. For those chemicals to totally flush out of the body it takes less than 90 seconds. This means that for 90 seconds you can watch the process happening, you can feel it happening, and then you can watch it go away. After that, if you continue to feel fear, anger, and so on, you need to look at the thoughts that you’re thinking that are re-stimulating the circuitry that is resulting in you having this physiological response over and over again. 

When I’m stuck in the loop of feeling an emotion over and over again, I use a strategy that a previous coach taught me. I do something different to shift my energy. 

Here are some of my favorite energy-shifters: take a walk, go to a movie, listen to music and dance (I have a playlist for just these times), stretch, go outside and take some deep breaths, go work at a hip coffee shop, or listen to a guided meditation.

In my experience, once my mood has shifted, I do much better work, in a fraction of the time it would have taken me, as compared to chaining myself to the desk until I finished the project.

As you can see, I finished writing this blog post. I’m celebrating that with a, “Yay me!” and I encourage you to do the same when you complete that next tiny step. Remind yourself that you’re moving closer to what matters most to you. 

How will you make consistent action part of your routine? I’d love to hear. Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part five in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.

How Are You Showing Up?

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.” You’ve no doubt heard this popular quote by Woody Allen. But I would add that how you show up matters. Your interactions with others, and even with yourself, can shift from ineffectively blah to purposefully engaged when you’re thoughtful about how you show up. It’s palpable to everyone in the room. 

My first coach taught me this strategy for getting the results I wanted from meetings. In addition to setting a clear agenda, she suggested asking, “Who do I want to be?” Think of this as defining how you want to show up, the energy you want bring to the space, the character traits that you want others to see and feel from you. I’ve taught this to many clients over the years, and they’re always surprised by the impact of this seemingly simply preparation step. 

Now I use this technique before all my meetings or high-stakes discussions. Here’s what it looks like in action. I plan as much as possible before the interaction and then I ask myself, “Who do I want to be?” Some of the words that come up, depending on the situation, might be bold, courageous, intuitive, curious, open, inquisitive, a good listener, or authentically me. Just before the meeting, I remind myself of a few key words. Intentionally setting the atmosphere in advance influences how I speak, interact, and listen. 

Here’s the caveat: Tuning into who you want to be requires your cup to be full. To fill your cup means to replenish your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical energy. It means that you need to refill your energy stores so that you have enough for yourself, as well as enough to share with others. You might be able to power through getting tasks done, but when your energy is sapped, it takes a lot of extra umph to fake who you’re being. That’s not enjoyable or productive for you or the other person!

In a Harvard Business Review article, Alyssa F. Westring wrote, “Ample research has shown that nurturing our brains, bodies, and spirits can help us be more effective at whatever we put our minds to.” She goes on to share that to start figuring out how to nourish yourself, you can pay attention to when you feel invigorated and when you feel drained. For example, notice when you feel energized, excited, joyful, focused, or peaceful. These are indicators that your cup is full. Conversely, notice when you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or depleted. Look for patterns. Get curious. Experiment. Observe what works and doesn’t work for you at this point in your life. It’s possible that what recharged you in the past doesn’t anymore, so keep a look out for outdated habits.

Consider building faithful habits to recharge your energy in these four areas: mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says that in order to create a new habit, it needs to be obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. 

Start by declaring one thing you’ll do in each of the areas above. For example, feed yourself:

• Mentally by reading to learn for 5-30 minutes a day, five days a week.

• Emotionally by journaling every morning, starting with 3-5 things for which you’re grateful.

• Physically by doing 30 minutes of exercise a day, five days a week.

• Spiritually by listening to a guided meditation daily for 10-30 minutes.

As with any new habit, start with one and start super-small. Give yourself full permission to expand what’s working and let go of what’s not working.

How you feel is only part of the equation. The other part is the people around you. Once you’re aware of whether you’re feeling vibrant or drained, observe the people around you. Internally ask yourself questions such as, How is she responding? How is she showing up? What has changed, or not, about our interaction? In other words, be aware of how who-you’re-being effects other people. 

I think of this process of choosing who I want to be (aka how I want to show up) as wholehearted being. Dictionary.com defines wholehearted as, “Fully or completely sincere, enthusiastic, energetic, hearty, earnest.” Consider defining who you want to be at work, at home, and in that next meeting. I’d love to hear your experience as you focus on who-you’re-being. Send me a note to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part four in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.

You Don’t Have to Write All Your Goals

In my 20s, a dental hygienist said to me, “You don’t have to floss all your teeth.” I said, “Great!” Then she landed the one-two punch with, “You only have to floss the ones you want to keep.” Her trick worked. I’ve been a devout flosser ever since. The same is true for goals: You don’t have to write all your goals, only the ones you want to achieve.

Like flossing your teeth, you know setting goals is important to do on a regular basis; however, do you understand why writing them is crucial? Let’s learn from the experts. 

The results of Harvard Business Study found that:

• 83% of respondents had no goals

• 14% of respondents had plans but didn’t write them down and still, they were 10 times more likely to succeed

• 3% of respondents had written down their goals and were 30 times more likely to succeed compared with those who had no goals

Are you convinced that goals are valuable for you? I am. And still, finding what works for me has been, and continues to be, an evolution. I know that goals lead me to a satisfying life I love. Conversely, I know that chasing shiny objects leads me to frustration. What do you know about the role goals play in your life? 

I’ve struggled with goal writing because I make it too complicated by following someone else’s complex system, too overwhelming with more goals than a mere mortal can accomplish, and too time-consuming to stay on-track. 

Now I believe you must design your own goal system. Using someone else’s process is an awesome way to start, but you can’t stop there. You need to make it work with your lifestyle, work, values, thinking style, physical environment, technology preferences, creative and professional style, etc. The key is to give your goal system that special zing that motivates you! 

A study by the Dominican University of California revealed a basic goal system structure. Participants were divided into five groups. They found the group with the highest success rate of 76% did this: 

• wrote their goals

• wrote their action commitments

• shared with a friend

• sent updates to a friend

When you’re ready to get serious about building your goal system, use this guide to begin.

Write what you want.

This first step is about envisioning the big picture of what you want more of or less of in your life. You can use time frames to imagine what you want in 30 days, 90 days, 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years. You can find more details in this blog post.

Write your goals.

Decide what you will do in order to get what you want from step one. Each goal needs to be S.M.A.R.T. (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound). These questions keep me on track. 

• Can this be checked off? If not, I need to be more specific.

• Can I really do this within the time-frame I set? I have a tendency to be unrealistic in my completion dates. Separate your goals into the same time periods as your “wants” above e.g., 30 days, 90 days, 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years

• Is this really important to me? Sometimes I think it is and then after continually not doing it, I admit to myself that it’s not important or figure out why I’m not doing it, which is usually related to being scared or not having enough knowledge. Without writing the goal, I wouldn’t know this.

You might want to add to this process by creating a vision board (cut out images that represent your goals and glue them onto paper) or hand-writing your goals (like note-taking, this conveys to your brain that this is important). 

Build your container.

Don’t skip this part! This is what will make writing and accomplishing goals satisfying, and dare I say, enjoyable.

• Where will you keep your goals so that you can review them on a regular basis? Ideas: hang them near your work space, put them in a digital spot that you consistently see, tuck them in your planner, purse or cell phone holder.

• How often will you read your goals?

• How often will you update your goals?

• Who will you tell about your goals?

• What might make this fun, efficient, fascinating, or exciting for you?

You can build your own goal system to receive what you truly want. Start by envisioning what you want, then decide what you will do to get it, and finally, build a container to support your goal system so it can support you. 

Creating your own goal system may not change your life, but then again, it just might. I’d love to hear about the structure of your goal system! Send me a note to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Note: This is part three in a series of nine blog posts exploring a blueprint for self leadership. You can read the previous post here.